So Who Am I then?

Hi ... my name is C-P. Well that's what a lot of my friends call me anyway.

I grew up in a typical dysfunctional family, which I guess is pretty normal in today's world.

Not much in the way of communication, lots of fighting (especially between my parents) and although we all loved each other, you wouldn't really describe us as being close.

I have two much older sisters (10 & 15 years older than me) and I am close close to my sister that's 10 years older.

The person I really adored when I was a kid was my mother. She always showered me with love and affection. Only problem was that she was an alcoholic.

And seeing how that effected her and the how the relationship between her & my father almost broke down was devastating.

During my school years there was roughly a 10 year period where she managed to stay sober and it was as close to normal as things would get for our family.

As most teenagers do, I started experimenting with alcohol in my early teenage years, which soon developed into regular binge drinking sessions with my mates and at parties where the sole aim was to get drunk - and hopefully get lucky with a girl.

At that stage I was still very conscious of the effects alcohol had on my Mom, and despite starting to experiment with marijuana, I never felt like things were out of control because I was just doing what everyone else was, right?

That all changed when after school I went overseas with a bunch of friends. Soon we started experimenting with harder drugs, and that's where the problems started for me.

Most of my friends seemed to manage their using and keep their desire for taking drugs under control. I just couldn't. I fell in love with the feeling and for the next 5 years or so I became obsessed with drugs and spent most days thinking about and planning when I would next use.

The regular binge drinking continued (I of course just never saw that as a problem) and the cocktail of regular alcohol & drug abuse soon began to take their toll.

I sank into a massive dark pit of depression where I lost all confidence and eventually the desire to live. I felt alone and misunderstood and started increasingly withdrawing into my own little 'hole.'

Anxiety, paranoia and fear began to overwhelm me where it got to the point where 'simple' activities like talking to someone new, walking through a shopping centre or going for a haircut filled me with such fear and dread, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown ...

Being a 'typical' guy - the strong, silent type - I tried to hide behind a brave & macho exterior, but inside I was dying and didn't know what to do or who to turn to, where it got to the point where I wished I was rather dead than alive.

Luckily I didn't have the courage to actually take my life, because some little faint voice inside of me said that there has to be a way out.

Eventually I managed to get an appointment with an Addictions Counsellor - and she said my symptoms showed that I should go to rehab.

I was desperate to try anything ... and so I agreed. That was roundabout Oct 2001. Life has far from been a bed of roses, but I haven't looked back since.

In 2004, we managed to get my Mom into Rehab. She's been sober since.

When I was going through my addiction, which was in the early days of the internet and before I knew how to use it, I would've given anything to have someone talk me through what I needed to do, how to get help and what it takes to recover.

So in this age where so much information is readily at your fingertips, I've simply tried to create this website to make your journey that bit easier and so that you can save yourself a bit of the pain that I went through.

I have to warn you that there is no quick fix, but hopefully by spending time on this website, you'll start your path to a life free from addiction.

And if I can have helped, even in the smallest way, doing this would have been more than worth it.