Alcohol has Run My Life for the Past 12 years. Advice for Saving My Relationship?

by Adam Hughes
(Manchester)

My partner and I have 4 children aged 11, 4, and 1 yr old twins. Now because of the hold alcohol has on me - she now says she loves me but can't see herself being in love with me any more.

I am not violent or abusive - just a sneaky drinker, never saying how many I have had to drink, hiding things from her and just lying to be able to drink more.

I want to stop and she says she will support me. She wanted me to move out and we came within 1 minute of telling our 11 yr old, but we decided to delay as she had a school trip to go on. We both agree I am a good dad but my wife says she can't live with the worry anymore.

What can I do to convince her that this time I nearly lost everything I have in the world - and now realise I don't want to swap it all for a can of lager?

We are still living together now but are just being friends for a while so I can beat my illness and have decided to take up a hobby but every couple of days she tells me not to get my hopes up about us. Any advice?

Answer

Hi Adam

The way to save your relationship can't be done through anything you say - the real test lies in what you do and the changes you make. Words are meaningless compared to the genuine desire to change/transform, which will reflect in your actions and behavior.

So step number is realising you do have an illness and that it's going to take a lot of effort to overcome it. Most people can't do it alone because it's too hard - so getting professional help from people who specialise in alcohol addiction is usually a good place to start. Find out what the NHS offers in this regard.

The process of how to stop drinking starts with a decision to change - because we realise alcohol is ruining our lives - and then working hard at changing our destructive thinking/emotional patterns and behaviors, so that we can find happiness and peace without alcohol.

There simply isn't the space to go into any great detail here, so for feel free to check out Addiction Uncovered for a much more in-depth explanation of how you can beat your alcohol problem.

But the bottom line is, the only real way to save your relationship, is to first save yourself. Alcohol will eventually ruin everything if you don't do something about it. Deal with that, make the changes you need to, and everything else will fall into place. Your kids especially deserve a happy, healthy and sober Dad.

Good Luck.

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