Alcohol Ruined My Life

I am 54 years old and alcohol ruined my life. Rather, my failure to control alcohol ruined everything good in my life. My marriage of 17 years is ending and my 14 year old daughter will not speak to me. I hope that anyone reading this story takes it to heart and does not make the same mistakes as myself.

My soon-to-be ex-wife and I met at work about 20 years ago. She was married at the time with an 8 month old child. We frequently drank together after work and ended up having an affair.

I KNEW it was wrong to drink with her and have an affair with a married woman, but I did it anyway. In hindsight, she was probably suffering from some post partum depression and not in her right mind at the time.

Regardless, I should have been man/Christian/adult/rational enough to know better and leave her alone. Again, we were both drinking alot together and I blame part of our affair on the alcohol.

We ended up getting married and had two more children. Alcohol continued to cause problems in our relationship, but I blame myself of letting that happen.

My job required frequent travel and I was away from home sometimes in excess of 200 days a year. I had 2 one-night stands and 1 fairly long adulterous relationship ... yes, drunk each and every time. I have been arrested for drunk driving, public intoxication, abuse and have totaled 3 vehicles when drunk.

I used to try and drink away from my kids so they didn't see me drink, but wasn't always successful. My wife and I used to violently argue in front of the kids ... to the point my daughter would scream for us to please quit.

My wife was a drunk as well. I somewhat blame myself for her drinking. Because I was such a jerk, she basically HAD to drink to live with me. I know this conjecture flies in the face of logic, but some of it is true. She was a social drinker for years who turned into a hard core drunk.

About 5 months ago, we were both lying in bed and having a huge argument ... yes, both drunk as skunks. I flung my arm out to express my displeasure with her sniping and accidentally hit her nose and broke it (I know, you don't believe me, but it really was an accident.)

Regardless, that was the final straw for her. About a month after that incident, she went to a realtor conference and had drunken sex with her broker boss. His wife has since filed for divorce and my wife and broker are engaged to be married.

I have known for years I had a drinking problem. I attended AA and would quit drinking for weeks at a time, only to start back with vengeance. I knew alcohol was a problem with my marriage.

I knew my wife had a drinking problem and needed to quit as well. I feel if I had quit drinking and set a better example for my wife, she would have quit drinking altogether or at least moderated. I have not had a drink for 147 days and have no craving to drink. I only wish I had quit earlier and saved my marriage/family.

Now, the question is if I will lose my job of 25 years. I am about 8 years from retirement, but recently found out I have AFIB (heart arrythmia) and will need surgery to correct it. I only hope I can keep my job so I can continue to support my children.

I had heard in one AA meeting after another that alcohol will eventually take everything from your life ... family, faith, finances, health if you don't quit. Unfortunately, I quit too late.

My fervent hope is that someone on the road to recovery who still has a family/faith/friends/job will read this testimony and quit drinking. Alcohol truly will take everything from you ... EVERYTHING. I am living proof of that.