Am I Causing My Boyfriend to Drink Heavily?

by Maria B
(Colombia)

When I met my boyfriend he admitted that he used to have a drinking problem, but since we started dating he stopped.

A few months ago when we started to have problems about me lying about my past which really hurt him. He started to go on drinking binges whenever he would say that he couldn't cope with what I have done in the past.

Now every time we have a problem he goes drinking and disappears for a day or two. Should I feel responsible for his drinking? Or is he just using my mistakes as excuses for his drinking? Please help me.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Your boyfriend is just using what you told him as an excuse to drink. No one can force another person to drink. So don't feel responsible.

There are a number of different ways he could have chosen to deal with things differently. But alcohol is the easy way out because it means he doesn't have to take responsibility for his choices and he can just blame you instead.

That's not to say you didn't hurt him, but we can't just take the easy way out and drown our feelings when someone hurts us ... we have to learn to take ownership of our feelings in healthier ways.

So don't feel guilty or sorry for your boyfriend because that will just play into his self-destructive behavior. Of course you can apologise for things that you may have done that hurt him, but be clear with him that if your relationship has any chance of working, he needs to learn how to deal with his emotions in healthier ways.

And a good place for him to start would be to get some help for his drinking problem. But you can't control him or the choices he makes, so if things don't improve you may need to reconsider your future together because your relationship will just end up becoming more toxic.

P.S. If you need some more help or advice around this topic - take a look at Help Me! I'm In Love With An Addict: How To Survive A Relationship With An Alcoholic or Drug Addict. There are a lot of additional points in there that can help you deal with the situation you're faced with.

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