Drug-Addicted Ex-Boyfriend Died: I Feel So guilty!

(NY,NY)

When I first met my ex-boyfriend, I was 19 and very naive. He would be the best person in the world and then disappear for months at a time. It took me a long time to realize that he had a problem with drugs and alcohol and by then, but I loved him very much.

He would always call me back and I would take him back, breaking off other "good" relationships that I started when he was gone. Over the next 4 years it went on like this. Depending on where he was in his addiction, he would be a totally different person. The person I loved was funny, kind, loving and genuine. He was my best friend but at the end of our relationship I came to the conclusion things would never change.

I was getting older and wanted more for my future. So, I left! Without much explanation I moved, ran away from it all and when I left our neighbourhood he was doing good (it seemed. Three years passed and I found a wonderful man, got married and had a baby girl. Last month, I found out that my ex-boyfriend passed away - at age 36.

I feel so guilty because he told me if I ever left him he would end his life. Another thing that has been eating me is how he died. I don't know how he died, I believe it must be drug related but I am unsure.

I've called a friend who lives in my old neighbourhood but he told me that he didn't know the circumstance of his (my ex) death. I am afraid to call one of his family members for fear that they might blame me or worse, I hurt them even more by asking them. How should I feel? What should I do?

---

---

Answer

No one can blame you for your ex-boyfriend's death and you should not in any way feel responsible. Understand that his death had nothing whatsoever to do with you, and that if he did die as a result of his addiction, then it's purely a consequence of the bad choices he made with his life.

And for all you know, maybe his death had nothing to do with his drug addiction? So don't feel afraid to phone his family and offer your condolences, also asking how he died. It would be the right thing to do and also give you peace of mind knowing what happened.

It's dreadful what happened to him, and no one should have to die so young, but if it is his drug addiction that killed him, that's unfortunately part of the danger associated with living a life of addiction. It's no one else's fault and no one else apart from your ex is responsible for what happened to him, should it be the drugs that killed him.

It's okay to grieve and feel sad for what happened, but don't put what happened on your shoulders. Death is inevitable for all of us, and none of us know how or when we are going to die. So don't waste a moment of this precious thing called life and live each moment as if it were your last. Take Care.

+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com