End of My Rope (After 36 years of Marriage) Because My Husband's an Alcoholic

by Trish

My husband seems to think that drinking a half a case or more of beer EVERYDAY is not a problem. He claims to drink ..."just to piss me off" but he's been doing this for over 10 and I am at the end of my rope.

He hasn't lost his job but spends all and any extra money and are house is physically falling apart. His answer when I ask when he going to start to fix "anything" I'm told to do it my self. I don't work , I volunteer and I've been in this marriage 36 years.

PLEASE .. ANY help you can supply would me greatly appreciated. Thank you

Trish

Answer

Hi Trish

Doing the whole blame game is a classic thing alcoholics do - and it's something your husband is doing to you because it's easier for him to do that than admit he has a problem. Denial is what keeps alcoholics like your husband in their alcoholism - because it's easier for them not to take responsibility for their lives and do something about their addiction.

Problem is as the wife, as much as you would like to do something, there isn't a lot you can do unfortunately. Alcoholism is your husband's illness - and unless he admits to it, and takes ownership for getting the help he needs to overcome it - you can shout, scream and even plead till you're blue in the face, and nothing will change.

As a last resort, something that has proven to be successful (but is sometimes regarded as controversial) - is to perform an alcoholism intervention on your husband with the help of an intervention specialist. The aim is to insist on your husband getting appropriate help - or there will be serious consequences from your side.

But there are no guarantees - so it's imperative you spend time thinking about what you want from life and what ultimately is going to make you happy - because you have no control over what your husband does and whether or not he decides to stop drinking.

Support groups like Al Anon can be very helpful for someone in your position because you'll meet wives and family members who have been where you are and understand what you're going through.

I understand your frustration, but there is no easy or quick fix unfortunately. Many marriages are destroyed because of addiction because eventually you just get sick and tired of it all. Whether that's the route you decide to go or not eventually, is only for you to decide, but you can make the decision to seek peace and happiness for yourself irrespective of what your husband does with his life.

I wish you well and trust your journey will work out for the best in the end.

God Bless

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