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Finding Happiness After Separating from Alcoholic/Abusive Husband

by Karen Brown
(Orlando)

I just wanted to share with anyone who is feeling the despair and hopelessness of living with a significant other that is addicted to drug or alcohol that there is happiness out there for you.

Six months ago, I finally convinced my alcoholic husband to leave our home. We have been married over 18 years and have 4 beautiful children. He is a closet drinker who became verbally violent with me and my oldest daughter and son regularly. I did not want to leave the house, I had no where to go with kids and I have farm animals.

After three solid days of telling the husband that I wanted him away from my kids and that I wanted a divorce, he left. The minutes and days after he left, I can not tell you the elation and peacefulness my children and I have found. Yes, the financial part is always the most frightening but the soon to be EX husband is paying most of the bills.

I know this is not possible for most people so therefore, people tend to stay longer in the relationship. But I have found a job and have also found some respect. I have come to realize that my part in his addiction was letting him stay in our family for so long.

The Ex is still drinking and wants back in the family. This will never happen because I do not love him any longer and he will never change.

I am going to continue to work on healing my children and myself and NOT get involved with the Ex's problems any longer. He is an adult and needs to get his own help and find his own way, no longer at my and the children's expense.

I have also realized something that is very important to people who are afraid of being alone. When you are in a relationship with an addict, you are alone and only feel despair. When you get out of this toxic relationship, you may be alone BUT you are happy and find hope in each day.

Hang on to the thought that you will find peace and happiness in the future.

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May 02, 2013
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He's gone
by: Anonymous

I kicked my husband out of the house once I found out he was having an affair. 10 years of marriage I kept hoping he'd go to Aa or rehab instead he started with the verbal abuse
Disrespect and now affair. I loved this man dearly and always hoped we could be together forever. Now he's gone and just after 2 weeks I feel so much peace. He's dark energy is out of the house! I'll probably have to starts all over but for the peace of mind and my sanity it's worth being alone.

Mar 01, 2013
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I'm not alone
by: Anonymous

I have just this week decided enough is enough with my Alcaholic boyfriend of almost 7 yrs. I feel like I have been through the mill and wrung dry in the time that I have been with this man, I have put up with physical, verbal and mentle abuse but always made excuses for him, I felt responsible for him and I used to convince myself he never meant any of the hurt and tears he caused me, it was "the drink" doing it because he would of course tell me "he loved me" once he had calmed down. The craziest thing is I never lived with him (apart from a 4 month period when he had just been released from prison, he came to live with me and my 2 teenagers) I chose to spend my free time with him putting up with his crap, partly because I was scared not to but partly because I felt he genuinely loved me. I have come to the realization I have to break away from him now before it's too late!

Jan 08, 2013
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take nothing just leave
by: Anonymous

I posted before, married 32 years and finally left, I read some of the posts about women wanting the man to leave and how they want to take THINGS like the lady with the chickens, believe me everything is replaceable, I left with only the cloths on my back but if I had stayed, for the coffeepot, the microwave, the sewing machine, the china, get my point I would of never left, you can't wait for him to leave that's like waiting for him to quit drinking!!! I am available if anyone would like to talk. amishchicrd@aol.com God Bless everyone in this situation

Jan 07, 2013
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Thank you for the Hope!
by: Anonymous

I am so thankful for this site. All the other sites and Al-Anon talk about living with the alcoholic, empathizing with them and living with the destructive disease. I never wanted to get a divorce but here I am on my way. My husband is out of the house and I'm scared. Divorce is pending. Don't have a job or money but I think to myself " I deserve better, my kids deserve better". And honestly, I'm sick and tired. I'm exhausted. I just want to be happy and get back to me. It is scary but reading how others found the strength to leave and talk about the PEACE. Yes, peace. Peace of mind. There is so much to be said for that. I don't know what the future will hold for now but I know that it will be better than the misery I have been living for the past 5 years. Thank you ladies for your stories. They have provided me with strength tonight.

Jul 20, 2012
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3 months separated from my alcoholic husband
by: Stacie

I never thought I could actually part ways with him. But doing so has given me peace at home. My children are happier and they can actually have their friends come over. The downside to all of this is my husband lost his job last month and is now homeless. He calls and harrasses me and places so much guilt on my about his situation. I pray he receives unemployment soon and will be able to find a place. He is no longer my responsibility my focus is on my teenagers and finishing my degree so I may seek better pay to support us. Each day that comes I don't know what to expect from him all I know is that HE is the one who has to change and become a better person. All I need now is time to heal from the years of verbal, mental and emotional abuse that I have suffered.

Jul 10, 2012
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I left after 32 years at 50 years old
by: Anonymous

You can leave, I did it, I left everything I ever worked for and I worked every year of the marriage I had to he never kept a job for more that a year. The Best day of my life was the day I realized I could sleep in peace without some drunk yelling and screaming and ranting about who knows what. You can not fix an alcoholic, don't even try. But you can fix yourself and get on with your life, you would be suprised the beautiful things you can buy at thrift stores, and that you can not put a price on the peace you will feel in your life.

Apr 17, 2012
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Thanks for sharing.
by: Kat

Thank you for sharing your story, I can relate to it a lot.

I was with an alcoholic for almost 15 yrs, we had two children and life got very bad.

I often asked him to leave and he always refused. I also wished sometimes when he was out filling himself with alcohol that he would cheat so I could have a 'reason' to get him to leave.

It took a while I already had a reason there, the fact that he was an alcoholic, violent and was damaging our kids lives.

I finally left myself, I left him with the house and all of the furniture and left with nothing but the clothes on the children and I's back.

When I finally got myself and the kids a little home I had NO money, barely any furniture apart from things given by friends and family and I was the happiest I had been in years.

The strength and spirit that had been gradually stripped away through the years suddenly came back.

The strange thing is the peace and total peace of mind was hard to get used to. I can remember one day sitting with the kids- we had all been drawing and colouring pictures and I would usually be scared that my ex would come home and get angry about the mess... it was time for the kids to get a bath and ready for bed and they asked 'shouldn't we tidy our things away?' and I looked at them and smiled and said 'you know what? NO!!! who cares? we can put them away tomorrow' and the kids laughed for hours!!! it doesn't sound particularly amusing but that was the moment we realised we were free, happy and living a normal life. No money needed :)

I am now in a relationship with someone who treats me like a princess, he doesn't drink and is an amazing male role model to my kids.

I never thought I deserved someone who would let me be me and respect me. But it is possible.

My kids, even though they have lost their father to alcoholism (he died when they were 8 and 10) have since thanked me for leaving him and getting us a 'normal life'.

They love and miss their father so much, but know what he did was making us all unhappy.

Feb 16, 2012
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Me too please !
by: Anonymous

I am in your situation , 18 years married, 4 kids at home and unwilling to leave here because I have chickens I can't take to an apartment ! I have tried to get mine to leave but he won't go so saving now to file and take it through the courts to make him move out. Can't wait for peace at home !

Jan 31, 2012
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scared
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your experince. I am in asimilar situation.I am scared, of being alone i am 56yrs.I know it is the best thing for me to do is seperate. I am always worried he might end up homeless.and will feel it was my fault.

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