Help Me Save My Relationship From My Addictions

by Jared

I am an alcoholic, drug addict and liar. I've been in a relationship with the girl I love for over 4 years now. During this time my drug/alcohol use has become a major problem.

My girlfriend has had enough with my crap and about a year ago she said quit or get out. I maintained sobriety for most of the year until a few months ago. I began using again and hiding it very well. My addictions have turned me in to a liar and just recently I have been caught again.

This time she wants me to leave but we have a son and its not easy. Now I truly love this girl with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with her. The crazy thing is that I again relapsed knowing the consequences. It's like I can't help it.

I guess the advice I am looking for is why do I relapse knowing what will happen? She thinks that I keep relapsing because she has given me lots of second chances in the past and that I deep down don't believe she will throw me out. I really want to quit and change my life for her and make this work but I have said this before and then relapsed after not even a year. How can I quit and not relapse?

Should my girlfriend kick me out this time because I certainly don't deserve anymore chances? And finally how do I make these wrongs right again? I have lied so much to feed my addiction, and I fear that she will never be able trust me.

Answer

Hi Jared

If you were really serious about wanting to quit, you would have done so by now. The fact is, you are choosing drugs and alcohol over your girlfriend and son. You're saying all the right things, but if you had that total desperation to turn your life around and do whatever it takes to build a life of sobriety, you would be doing so.

Do I think your girlfriend would be justified in throwing you out? Absolutely! Do I think that she hasn't followed through on her threat yet may be enabling your behaviour - probably. So if you really are serious about wanting to overcome your addictions once and for all and saving your relationship, it's time to stop making excuses and get really serious about quitting once and for all. You have to draw a line in the sand and say 'this is it' and adopt the attitude of being prepared to do whatever it takes.

Then you need to humble yourself and realise beating an addiction isn't something you should be doing alone. Book yourself into a drug and alcohol rehab program to begin the work of recovery - and then once you've done that you need to commit to working at a recovery program, whether it be 12-step based or something different, to ensure you maintain your sobriety and keep moving forward.

Because there is no quick fix in overcoming an addiction. You need to realise it takes consistent work and effort to make the changes on a spiritual, mental and physical level, so that the urge to use leaves you. Are you really prepared to commit to doing that?

You have all the motivation you need - a loving girlfriend and beautiful son. Now it's up to you to make the decision. It won't always be easy - but the rewards in the end will be well worth it, I can promise you that. And the only way to right the wrongs and regain trust from your girlfriend is by earning her trust and respect again through the things you do, not by what you say.

The actions you now take will be worth a thousand words - so you have to decide what path you are going to travel, and trust that by doing the 'right' things, everything will end up taking care of itself in the long run.

You Can Do It!

Good Luck and Take Care

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