I Am a Mother and a Nurse .... and I Am an Alcoholic. I'm Scared!!!

by Lori
(New York)

I am a mother of two beautiful children that I have lost custody of about a year ago. I'm fighting everyday to get my children back ... I have gone to rehab and residential recovery setting to stop using alcohol.

I must of been only 2 weeks of being back to work and in my own apartment and I relapsed after a visit with my 2yr old son - for me I turn to alcohol when I can't deal with pain or stress or anything that goes wrong.

For me I'm just coming to realize that I am an alcoholic. I wasn't getting the help for myself before - I was only doing what I needed to do to get my children back and that I thought should never been taken away. I was not doing it for myself, I was just going through the motions.

You would think my rock bottom would be my children gone but I guess it wasn't. My children being gone was a way to try to drink myself to death because I knew no other way to deal with the unbearable pain.

I am now 2 days sober. I lost my good paying nursing job. My boyfriend has left me and my parents have given up on me, and who knows where I am going from here. I am scared but the one thing I do know is that I could not pick up a drink today and haven't since I was told I was fired.

I have now lost everything to this terrible disease. Everyone in my life says it was a choice - and maybe it was - but I don't see how I would consciously make such bad choices and throw my whole life out the window.