I Can't Move On From This

by Shell
(UK)

I have just discovered that my brother was taking my 16 year old son with him in the car to fetch his heroin ... whilst I was fighting cancer and thought I was safe in the knowledge that he and my older brother would look out for my boys whilst I was unable to.

I finished intensive agonising treatment 8 months ago during which time my doting mom never left my side. She and my hubby nursed me, force fed me, almost carried me to my car some days when I couldn't walk due to the pain of pelvic radiotherapy burns.

It was quite plainly horrendous. To then find this out last month sent me into an utter fury. I have never ever hit anyone but that day I thumped and thumped my once adored bro for the betrayal, the hurt, the disappointment ...

And for taking away from me the reassurance that if this evil disease does get me - I have MRI and CT results due next week to see if treatment has worked.

My kids would always have my brothers and my mom to turn to and rely on. But of all the outcomes I imagined I never thought my own mother would turn on me and tell me to "move on" and that she would support him and I have no right to tell her what to do ...

I haven't ... he got married a couple weeks after and she went to the wedding, partied with him and then went out for her birthday with him the following week ...she has ALWAYS spent her birthdays with me but I am frozen out!!!

I feel bereft, devastated, betrayed and afraid all in one. I can't believe this is happening to my family or that they would all abandon me at this time whilst I'm fighting for life.