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I Want to Divorce My Alcoholic Husband ...

by Pamela

I have been married for 11 yrs. My husband just accepted that he is an alcoholic! The abuse I suffer is emotional and we have 3 kids. I am so fed up and ready to leave the relationship ... he's tried to quit and failed, blames our
problems on me, everything is always my fault, etc. etc. etc.

I read somewhere that this is one of the circumstances where you can be granted an immediate divorce ... is this true? If so, how do I go about it? I am not ready financially, but mentally and emotionally, I am over the top!!! Please respond, don't know how much more I can take!

Answer

Hi Pamela

No form of abuse is acceptable and I can totally empathise with wanting to leave your husband. Now that he's accepted he's an alcoholic, is he prepared to do something about it, i.e. ask for help and get treated for his alcoholism?

Because if he is and recovers successfully, his behaviour may change and you may end up feeling differently. But if you don't think that's likely and are certain you want to leave him right away, I suggest you consult an attorney. Whether his behaviour provides grounds for an immediate divorce I honestly can't tell you. I'm not sure it's quite that simple, especially if you have 3 kids, but getting good legal advice is a good place to start.

And if your current environment is putting such a massive toll on you and the kids emotionally, you need to try and find a more stable and supportive place to live in the meantime. If asking your husband to leave isn't feasible, do you have any family you and the kids could stay with temporarily?

The alcoholism and divorce issue is unfortunately a far too common problem - so by taking the advice of a good attorney, I'm sure you'll get the advice you need as to how best to handle the situation.

Am really sorry to hear that it's come to this, but whatever happens, hopefully it will provide you with the opportunity to make a fresh start, even though that's something that probably seems incredibly daunting right now. Just don't lose hope and never give up!

If you're ready to consider divorcing your alcoholic spouse, consider getting yourself a copy of Help Me! I'm in Love With an Addict: How to Survive a Relationship with an Alcoholic or Drug Addict.

It will help you understand how best to deal with your alcoholic spouse, help you decide whether divorce is the best option for you, and tell you exactly what you need to do to get your own life back on track again.

If you're at your wits end with your marriage and need answers fast, then this is a book that can help you.

Coping with alcoholism is an incredibly difficult thing to have to deal with in a marriage, so Help Me! I'm in Love With an Addict will help you navigate that journey and give you answers that can make a difference quickly.

Comments for I Want to Divorce My Alcoholic Husband ...

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Nov 16, 2013
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Feel you
by: Anonymous

My wife and I have had a stressful year. She is sober for 10 years but this year she completely relapsed in every stretch of the imagination except for drinking. We've been to counseling and yep...it's ALL my fault. The selfishness of this disease kills me. This is not the relationship I would have chosen for myself but now we have 2 small kids. I'm constantly reminded that I can only control me and you need to remember that as well. Take care of yourself.
God Bless

Nov 16, 2013
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Oct 01, 2013
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The truth hurts!
by: Anonymous

I am 80 years old, not able to work out of the home and married to an alcoholic husband. He expects me to work on the computer in our business for 8-10 hrs a day and then wants me to make love at night--he is 24 years younger and we have been married foe 26 years. I knew this day would come-and warned him of that before marriage. Now he is drunk 4-5 nights a week and falls into bed. He blames me for everything--this is causing heart problems for me--I feel for all of you. You young ones leave your husband for your children even if you have to live in public housing.You cannot cure your husband only he can. Trouble is we spend all of my money so I cannot move out. GOD will never let you down--keep on praying about it--we all have angels around us.

Jun 08, 2012
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im leavin
by: Anonymous

i am so thankful that i found this site. i to cannot take anymore, my children cant either. i used to be head over heels with big dreams, 10yrs later im broke,straggly, havent slept a wink, and im ashamed to tell my family i need their help.i know they love me,so im going to be brave for myself and my kids and i am leaving.

Jun 05, 2012
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It's sad and reassuring to see you all here
by: Anonymous

I too share the same situation as most of the above comments. Two kids, job that pays nothing. How can I afford to leave, if I did would he still have the drive to go to work or would he stop working full time and start drinking full time. That would leave no money for support. I have no family to help, no friends, I don't let anyone in my life. I have superficial relationships but everyone is kept at a safe distance. He does support us financially but I am the one that is suffering. I hate him anymore, I can't stand his touch, his words. I dont trust him and I see him as a weak man. He is strong physically but emotionially his is very very weak.

Nov 13, 2011
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Very important if you have kids
by: Anonymous

I was reading that 90% of alcoholic fathers will molest their kids at some point and that the wife will put her self as a bait most of the time for the molestation not to take place, I have an 8 year old and I am leaving him, I had try for 10 years now and he always go back to drinking, It won,t stop ever and this men need to go, you are not their mother, go and live your life I managed to detach from him emotionally which it is the hard part of it. now I hate everything about him, I just want him to go away and never see him again.

Sep 08, 2010
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wish it was easy to leave
by: Anonymous

i am in a similar situation. if i had a job that could support myself and 4 kids, i would have filed for divorce long ago. i am trying to hold on until i find work that can help support my family. 17 years of awful memories and severe emotional/verbal abuse from my closet alcoholic husband who thinks he can cure himself. he is now arguing with my 15 yr old daughter because she is tired of his inappropriate behavior and words. of course, the husband blames me for his poor relationship with his kids. living this life is very stressful. we need to find the strength and courage to move on. so, try your best to plan on how to change your future. i am praying that i do find it and move on. my kids are severely affected and what i do blame myself for is letting them live with this father who can not see how damaging he is to them and me. good luck, hang in there

Jul 07, 2010
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Confused and Scared/ TRAPPED
by: Anonymous

Married almost 37 years. Husband lawyer. No health insurance, house payments in trouble, husband drinks in secret. Puts bottles in many unusual places. Tried confrontation, discussion and asked him to continue AA. Always back to same issues. I have had to quit jobs, put many things on hold due to drinking problems. Now, we have his mother (88 years old living with us) and my mom (82). I feel like my life is over and I'm cornered with no doorway to climb through. I see myself on the street with no job because I'm almost 59 years old and do not have the money and do not know where to turn for help. Many friends have told me to leave. Where and how??

Jun 17, 2010
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my husband is a alcholic too...
by: Anonymous

I can not take it anymore I do not have the money to move. But right about now I would rather sleep on the florr.

Oct 25, 2009
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If there is abuse ... you should leave him
by: CP

If there is any form of abuse involved, I'm a firm believer that you should leave him. That kind of environment is not only extremely unhealthy for you - but also your children. Re the legalities of the matter, you need to consult a lawyer, but don't continue to expose yourself to behaviour that is extremely damaging. You and your children deserve better.

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