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I'm On a Rollercoaster: Alcoholic Husband Has Made Me The Bad Guy And Now Wants A Divorce

I have been married for 10 years, my husband recently admitted he was an alcoholic and started AA after we were on a visit to my son to see our newborn grandson. My husband decided he needed to see his old buddy and took off, he missed the flight home because he was in another state drunk.

My son and his wife were so hurt and so was I. My husband got a flight home the next day and that is when he realized his drinking was a problem and our marrage was at risk. He started AA and did great for 28 days, just before he was to get his 30 day chip he wanted me to share a beer with him to prove we were going to be ok. I shared that beer with him.

He continued going to meeting but now attends only 1 a week and decided he can control his drinking and will be happy staying on step 1. Last night he gave me the choice of going to the bar with him or him getting a 6 pack and bringing it home. (I do not drink).

I told him neither was acceptable, he chose to go to the bar. I went to bed and locked the bedroom door because I did not want to see him drunk and he has scared me in the past when he was drunk. When he got home last night and realized I locked the bedroom door he kicked it in. Told me I stepped over the line by locking him out of our bedroom and he will never sleep on a couch.

He said he thought I was his best friend, that I would always have his back, waited at the bar for me hoping that I would come check up on him. He then said because I locked the door and did not support him last night he wants a divorce.

We did not talk this morning but my heart is broken and I am so upset. I read this website last night before I went to bed, I need to talk to someone but had no one to talk to. Please does anyone have any advice for me? Was I wrong not being his drinking buddy last night?
HELP PLEASE, SOMEONE PLEASE!!!!

Comments for I'm On a Rollercoaster: Alcoholic Husband Has Made Me The Bad Guy And Now Wants A Divorce

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Dec 18, 2012
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AA husband is a different man - I can't cope .
by: Anonymous

I have been married for 27 years to a man who is 2.5 years sober. His drinking caused the end of our business and the loss of the family home. Children removed from private school and debts that can never be paid off. His failure to deal with the consequences of financial ruin led to him becoming bankrupt. I am stuck in a marriage with a man I no longer know. Whenever there is conflict I am now the one with the problem - he has an AA answer for everything - he attends meetings 3 or 4 times a week. Our social life is zero as he does not want to mix with anyone from the past , he prefers the company of only AA men & women. He criticizes my handling of the children calls me needy and co-dependent and says he wants no part of my self pitying behavior. I am unable to leave because of financial situation, we rent but only I can sign a lease and all his bad debts have been transferred to me I am paying off thousands of dollars of legal fees due to his bad management of our former business he has upset his family and I am left to deal with that, he maintains they have the problem not me. Our children have seen and heard too much due to the alcoholic behavior of their father and now are told by him that they need to think about their part in all of this and it's their problem because he dos not have a problem!!
Is any of this familiar to,anyone else?
Please do not bother commenting if you want to tell me it's fantastic that he has given up drinking - I need advice on how to stop the feelings of bitterness I have toward him and the AA members that get the good guy with no strings attached and I am still dealing with the train wreck of finances and court cases whilst he is grateful every day too be sober - pleeeease give me a break.

Jan 06, 2012
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Courage is an action not a feeling
by: Anonymous

My alcoholic husband asked for a divorce two days after Christmas this year. I am also the "bad guy" and he blames our "unhealthy" relationship for his woes. He wants a chance to meet someone with whom he is more compatible. This man has had at least three significant affairs that I know of. He has verbally and emotionally abused me for years - calling me every vile name in the book and blaming me for every problem large and small. The worst thing I did was not get the heck out a long time ago. We do not deserve to be terrorized by those who are supposed to love, honor and cherish us. My husband did none of those things and now that he has stomped my heart into the ground, he asked for a divorce. Well he is getting one. I have a new house, new bed, new life and a good attorney. There are worse things than being dumped by a loser. Be brave!

Dec 23, 2011
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not your fault
by: Anonymous

He is not going to divorce you.They use guilt trips and say things to make you feel bad.They lie to cover their tracks,bully and threaten to get their way.They will steal and con their own family to get the money for drugs or alcohol.Alcoholics and addicts only think of themselves and their next high.don"t worry about him.Take care of yourself and your kids if you have any and start looking for ways out of this relationship because it only get worse.eventually his addiction will destroy your self esteem and alienate you from your friends and family

Nov 03, 2011
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Been There
by: Anonymous

I understand you frustration but let me start with you did the right thing.Your husband sounds just like mine. The third time he went back to drinking he told me he was in control. He to was going to AA and cut it down till he stopped. First of all no alcoholic can control his or her drinking and drinking with them just makes them feel its OK to drink and it is not. I allowed my husband to drink because I knew I could not control him where I made the mistake was not making it clear by leaving and not allowing my 3 grown children to make it clear it was not OK. Now I don't see my children because they are tired of his games and I'm in a financial mess so as much as I would like to divorce him I can't afford to. They all pull the same BS poor them you don't care about him its always them. You did nothing wrong you were right for not joining him and locking the door. As far as him wanting a divorce my husband says the same thing over and over I'm at the point I wish he would file. It is very exhausting being married to an alcoholic. Good luck and do what your doing making him understand that you cannot stop him but you don't condone.

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