Is My Fiance Doing Cocaine?

I've been with my fiancé for 4 years now. We met when we were both doing drugs. I passed that phase about 2 years ago now, and now I'm against drugs pretty badly, especially cocaine.

I have plenty of experience with this drug since my father has been a constant addict since I can remember. Although my fiancé says he is completely over it as well, ironically he is manager at a night club.

This is the reason that even though he HAS changed, amazingly, I still find a complete change may still not be possible. I don't mind him drinking, or getting drunk every once in a while, but now he uses that as an excuse to get home late.

These past months he has been very "stressed" at work, which of course means coming home at extremely inappropriate times in the mornings (e.g. 7am or 8am). I am very worried. If he is doing it he has become very smart about it.

Stupidly I told him things that would give him away, like vaginal fluid smells on his face, now he gets home pretty fresh! and on top of that, I get vaginal infections.

After getting a very, very bad one, my gynaecologist says it's because cocaine normally can come out of a mans semen, which will produce an infection. Anyways, I need help finding more signs, more ways I can figure out, or "catch" him I guess.

He is my fiancé now, and I REALLY do not want to get married to this man if he continues with cocaine, my mom had the worst years of her life during her marriage to my father, and so have I of my childhood. Please help!

Answer

That's an interesting question. Because unless you catch your fiancé in the act of using cocaine, or find some 'stash' on him, it can be very difficult to be totally sure that he is using, especially because it seems he does so in a totally different environment, i.e. at work.

But here are a few signs of cocaine use you can look out for that may help anyway:

1) Runny nose or regular sniffing
2) Red, bloodshot eyes
3) Dilated pupils
4) Nosebleeds
5) Getting sick more often
6) Moods and behaviour becoming more erratic
7) Becoming more depressed, withdrawn, tired
8) Have a lot of energy, and then suddenly sleep a lot.
9) Fluctuating temperature (between high and the chills) & raised pulse rate
10) Observe motor skills, e.g. tremors, acting hyper, fidgety, talking very quickly

Problem is, none of these present 'hard evidence' - so you still couldn't be 100% sure. If you're determined to get it out of him, then you may have to try some using some psychology ...

You could tell him that you know he's still using cocaine and that unless he's totally honest with you about it, you're going to leave him. This is just an example - you'd have to say something you're comfortable with and think would work.

The thing is though ... if there is this much doubt and lack of trust in a man you're about to marry ... how wise do you think it is to commit to marrying him?

Because it seems, especially as long as he's working in the industry he is, that you're always going to have doubts.

Trust is probably the most vital component any relationship requires to be successful. So I think above all else - you need to figure out if/how you'll be able to establish that with your fiancé ... and from there I think the direction that your future with him should take will become a lot more clear.

I really hope everything works out. God bless and take care.

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