Is The Drinking Going to Start All Over Again?

(winnipeg)

I have to say that two weeks ago, when my boyfriend came home he started trying to argue with me, I knew better then to argue, because arguing with a drunk person is really pointless.

He started to punch me in front of our 3 kids. This was the first time he ever did that in 7 years. So I left the next day, with the kids and told him hat I didn't want to be one of those girls that stay in a abusive relationship.

Well I left for four days and two nights, only because where I went I wasn't able to stay there. I thought of going to a women's shelter but I just felt that I couldn't go. So when I came back I didn't talk to my boyfriend till the next day.

He told me that he was really sad that me and the kids were gone and that he would stop drinking all together. This I have never heard him say in all the years that we haver been together. Since then I have still been thinking of that night when he was punching me.

Since that night I decided that I wanted to start going to church and I have, well we, my boyfriend and I have been going. It's been two Sundays so far, and also me myself have been going to bible study. I just felt like things got so bad that we needed God in our lives.

I'm learning a lot about him now and I am starting to feel closer to him. I said that I forgave him but in the back of my mind I am cautious of him. Today is Christmas Eve and he fell off the wagon, I called him around 8:00 and he told me that he was drinking and that he only bought a six and was sharing it.

I gave him shit told him that was not allowed. What should I think now? It's like all he promised me went out the window, and everything is going to happen again? It's Christmas eve and now I feel really sad about this and to him it's just no big deal.

So do you think that this is just a phase for him to think he's going to stop but really he is not going to stop and that he can't give up alcohol?

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Answer

Heavy drinkers and those struggling with alcoholism don't usually just quit like that. It tends to take intensive treatment and/or committing to a life of sobriety through working a recovery program like found at AA to achieve that.

So to expect that your boyfriend is simply going to quit drinking because he promised he would is unrealistic. It's not that easy and someone with a drinking problem usually needs to get professional help and get appropriate support if they're ever going to achieve lasting sobriety.

Any form of physical abuse is simply not acceptable so you need to be strong and move on. Your boyfriend may be sorry, but that is simply not good enough. There is never any justification for physical abuse so for the sake of you and your kids you need to work towards establishing a healthy, safe and loving home environment, which is next to impossible to do when in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic.

He's obviously not serious about quitting drinking so this is probably the start of things returning to what they were. So holding on to the hope that he's miraculously go to change means you're likely to end up very disappointed. You did the right thing by moving out initially, now you need to do that again, except this time it needs to be permanent.

Physical violence against a woman is an extreme form of cowardice and being drunk is no excuse. In fact not only should you have moved out, you should also have called the police. So don't think twice about moving out again and if it means starting at a women's shelter initially, then that's what you have to do. Yes it will be hard initially, but know that in the long run you're doing the right thing.

God Bless and Good Luck

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