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I've Left My Meth Addicted Husband and Feel Totally Lost

by Roxy
(Jennings, La)

My husband has battled addiction for years, and after a two year addiction to cocaine a few years back, he swore he would not become addicted to anything again.

Just last week, I found crystal meth in his truck. I asked him to leave. He's been gone 8 days now, and I am not dealing with this very well. I know I need to divorce him. I can't compete with meth.

But the pain of this is just getting the best of me. How does someone get through this? I have a hard time just getting out of bed in the mornings and going to work ... I dread each and every day. As bad as it was watching him use, it's just as bad now.

The only way I console myself is that I keep telling myself that I have to take care of me first. I have to love me first. Even though I know this is true, I'm having a very hard time. Can someone help me get through this? I feel dead inside. I even wonder if death wouldn't be better than this.

I've been married to my husband for 22 years, and he was my whole life. I just don't know how to go on without him. Please, can someone help?

Answer

Hi Roxy

The pain you're going through now is no doubt terrible, but remember it's only been 8 days, and as much as you may not want to hear it right now, time does heal all wounds.

Death is never a better option, you know that's not true. You're grieving and the incredible pain and sadness you're experiencing now is a natural part of the grieving process. So don't try fight it - the more you resist it, the worse you make it - just surrender to the grief you're going through and let it all come out, however it needs to do so.

Now is also the time to be surrounding yourself with people who love you and can support you through this. Family and friends will be there for you I'm sure and make it a little bit easier. Support groups like Nar-Anon and Al Anon might also help because there you'll no doubt meet people who have gone through what you have.

You may also want to consider finding a good Therapist who can help you with the grieving process, and possibly prescribe you a good lot of anti-depressants until you're over the initial worst period.

Just keep taking it one day at a time. Don't think too far ahead. Like you said - now you have to take care of yourself first. And as you slowly start feeling better and stronger, start making the time to discover what you enjoy doing and what makes you happy. Your life has been totally consumed by being in a relationship with an addict, and so you've no doubt totally lost yourself, and need to rediscover who you are. But that's a process and let it happen naturally and gently over time.

Books can also be a great comfort in times like these. Two brilliant books that I think will help you tremendously right now are 'The Journey' by Brandon Bays, and 'You Can Heal Your Life' by Louise Hay. Very powerful and insightful and can help you find your inner strength and voice again.

So please don't give up and never lose hope. What you're going through right now is totally okay, and will get easier. Just keep taking it one day at a time and trust that at the end of this dark tunnel, you will in time see the light again.

Peace, Love and Blessings

Comments for I've Left My Meth Addicted Husband and Feel Totally Lost

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Mar 27, 2013
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lost my husband of 6 yrs to meth
by: Anonymous

he made me feel crazy all the time moving back to his old places where he could get meth and i geuess women cuz our marriage this time when we moved went right down the toilet bowel i found his stuff in my house but no somebody planted it his whole behavior changed quickly i spent 48 hrs at home alone with my dog and he had all the control he became verbally abusive and pysiscally abusive which it was like living with dr jeckel and mr hyde i finally left got on a bus but i never expected him to follow me which that makes me an enabler cuz he doesnt think he has a problem now hes sick crashing with a new job and i have to live on my own and so does he i have made it to easy for him now its time for him to support himself plus i know there is someone else he has been seeing for awhile ill never know the truth i love him enough to let him go he has family but my health is a big part of this problem alone and lost to.

Dec 23, 2012
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Let go of the Meth addict
by: Anonymous

My husband was addicted to crack cocaine and started using meth in 2011, he lies, cheats and steal to support his habit. I don't trust him at all and really want to divorce him. I have lost everything as a result of his addiction and am now homeless waiting for his felony trial to end and him to be sent off to prison. I was a successful woman with everything and lost it all. I am homeless and he in his addicted state blames me for him quiting his job and running the streets with meth addicted woman and men. I am angry and want him to go to prison because he has destroyed my life. There is little love left. I think I hate him. He is a dirt bag and I have no respect for him. I used to love this man but I dont anymore. Time will heal the wound I guess. I bitter and angry and I really have nowhere to turn to. Its hard to feel sad for him when I don't know where my next meal will come from.

Apr 29, 2012
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I Know How You Feel
by: Anonymous

As I read your letter I can feel the pain that you feel. My husband and I have benn married for 33 years. I had him removed from the house 3 days ago and have grieved for him since. It feels as if he has died. I love my husband with all my heart but the hell I lived in. My husband lied, always going to the casinos never home and when he was he was outside with drug friends. The character of my husband changed he was not who I married although after 33 years you would expect to change but his change was that of a meth addict.He has used meth now for 10 years maybe longer and I too can not compete. Be strong for time does heal. I plan to stay strong I believe anyone can change I belive there is hope. My husband will never change as long as I enable him to do what he does. God Bless!

Jun 21, 2011
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Husband of 12 years and Meth
by: Anonymous

I today told my husband to leave because he was stung out on meth and was becoming abusive to me and the kids, and when I said if he would not leave I would call the cops and then he said he would kill himself so he got and electrical cord and wrapped it on his wrist and within minutes he was ready to turn on the switch, I then hurried while my 10 year old son and older daughter were in terror screaming. so I ran as fast as I could to the power switch and turned it off, he was so angry that I stopped him he was telling me I was one who made him an addict, and as all this was happening my daughter had called the police they came and took him to the hospital. The last time he tried to kill himself because of meth was in August 2010. I have given up he will never quit I love him still and my heart is broken I cry none stop meth destroys families now I can never let him come back home.

Apr 21, 2011
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I left my meth addicted husband & feel totally lost
by: Anonymous

I have a story of long suffering--& finally after 6 years recovery--from being in a relationsihp with my husband (x husband) that is a meth addict
Contact me if you want to
kellysantiques@charter.net

Apr 21, 2011
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looking for closure
by: Anonymous

It's been a year and a half now that I left my husband over his drug addiction to meth. Im looking for wives who have lived throw this with there husband.

Nov 07, 2010
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thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you everyone for your company. It's a horrible thing and I guess it had to get really bad to get me to stop having sympathy for my husband. It's a strange thing how we can continue to feel so sorry for someone that is so repeatedly cruel and heartless to us. Messed up! I'm still trying to understand how on earth I got into this situation!!!! I guess I'm learning about myself and life. It's been bad for years over here but things reached their peak when his behavior became dangerous to the kids. I can't even stomach thinking about him and I was able to get a restraining order so that I'm finally protected from him officially. His parents can't try to bring him home (which they have in the past). I'm so grateful for legal protection. It's crushing to think of what coul've/should've been, but it's freeing to look at your life and see it for what it is, to stop waiting and wishing for something that isn't real. Meth addiction trashes homes, I'm so happy to have peace again in the home. Give yourself time to feel the peace and see your life for what it really was and what it can now become.

Oct 05, 2010
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move forward, one step at a time one emotion at a time
by: Anonymous

I am on the other side finally. It has taken 2 years to get here. what an incredibly painful journey. Today, i am free, i am flying, i am free of all of the abuse, the lies, the deception, the cons, the manipulations, the game playing, the tears, the dissapointments, the loss of love and respect. this is how i started. I cried, i cried, i cried. i allowed myself to feel the emotion and i allowed myself to cry and to feel the pain and i embraced the fear, and pretty soon it went away because i got bigger than it. i read the book
called getting past the breakup written by a therapist and i took her advice i went no contact.
i put my phones on call rejection something you get from the telephone company, its a service that allows you to take your life back. you dont see that person you dont talk to that person period. you reject the rejector. the healing powers this has is so incredibly amazing, it is the most wonderful and loving gift you could possibly give yourself because it allows you to focus on you, fix you, get to know you, who you really are, get your identity back, get your life back, and keep moving forward just small stuff but small stuff is powerful it is an act of love for yourself and pretty soon you start to love yourself because you are being true to yourself and then you can look yourself in the mirror finally and like who you see. to stay in a sick relationship makes you sick, dont play there games, it makes you just as sick as they are. a few tips i found were, sit in their chair at the dinner table, sleep on their side of the bed because when you look over you cant miss yourself, you are still here. then everyday every darn single day wake up in the morning and say god please send your angels to carry me through this day and allow me to see your hands in my life today. holy crap, amazing things happen and you realize that you are never alone, you have the angels and god and honey after that it is all down hill. i love myself today and i come home to a peaceful healthy loving environment. i learned not to be the drama junkie not getting hooked on all that chaos, it didnt come overnight but it came, i worked on it everyday, i got a good counselor, i reached out to family and friends and i got a good loving dog.
some great bath salts, new makeup, new hairdo, new clothes, redecorated the house and redid my life. yes its true there is happiness and you can leave your hell behind, please do it for yourself, do it for your kids just do it. god bless you on your journey, keep moving forward.

Aug 21, 2010
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LOST
by: Anonymous

You all are amazing and God sent. I have been with my husband for 12 years and married 9. I have one son from a previous relationship and 2 girls together with him. My husband is an ex con and a meth addict, has been clean for 8 years and is also an alcoholic. I have supported him through out all of his sicknesses and dealt with it for a long time. Jan 2010 he started going to dirty strip clubs every day and I didnt stop him. Honestly it was a relief that he was actually drinking somewhere else other than infront of the children. Well that led to meth. I finally decided that the kids and I have had it and will no longer deal with it so we left. I was told that he wont stop until he hits rock bottom. I thought that losing his family will help get clean. I served him with divorce papers and gave him an ultimatem saying that if he goes to get help, we will shred the divorce papers and I will help him. Instead of getting help, he used more and instead of trying to win me back, he won over a 21 year old bartender stripper and now she is living at my house. The same house that we raised our kids together and made babies together. This hurts so bad. I feel cold and empty inside. I sat by through everything and thought it would get better. I lose in the end. Now he is accusing me of horrible things. He says I stock him and his new girlfriend, threaten to kill the both of them and he told the cops that I beat him and hold the kids hostage. Why now am I the bad guy? Does the drugs really make him think this way? Will this ever end? I feel like I cant breath and the pain in my chest doesnt seem to get any better. Not only do I feel like I lost the battle to drugs, but I cant get the thought of this other women with my husband.

Apr 07, 2010
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Devistated after find out my husband is using Meth and coke
by: Charlene

i feel so Lost and don't understand ... my husband is a long haul trcuk driver and well it's a long story but for right now i'll jsut say during the 2 -4 days a month that he's home all he does is sleep and doesn't even acknowkledge me. Im so hurt I don't understand how he could give up his family for a drug, I found a Meth pipe 6 months ago and finally approched him about it a month later when he was home, first he denied it than said at least im not doing heroin, Then he said it's not Meth it's Speed.... lots of excusses but didn't want to hear how hurt and devistated i was and my teenagers were in him . he finally said he wouldn't do it again, and now 3 months later he is showing all the same signs and worse...
I can't leave because i have lost my whole life savings and house to this man, Maybe this has been going on all along and i just didn't really realize it or maybe i don't even know who he really is. he is nothing like who i met. and once i finally married him in 2008 he changed within a month. Im so lost and angry, just need to vent. Never been so devistated... :(
BC Canada

Mar 31, 2010
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IN LOVE WITH A CRACK ADDICT FOR 10 YEARS
by: Anonymous

been with my drug addicted hubby for over 10 years.He has been on drugs the entire while.He married me when i was only 18. I didn't know he was on drugs then. I found out in 2001 that ge was a crack addict after abuse mentally, physically, and mentally.I have been on and off with him since then.He has been incarcerated too many times for theft and he went to prison twice for domestic violence against me.I am so tired of the ups and downs.He does well for so long and then he relapses.I have 3 boys and they love him but they are tired of the ups and downs.He has stolen from me them and every1 else.He stole meat from the store he worked at.He hasn't taken care of me or the kids since we met.Cant hold a job.He is good for nothing to be honest.I dont know y I can't live without him.I am buying my own house.I am buying a new truck.I paid off my car and he rides in it.He doesn't even have gas money.He doesn't even have a job.Y does he need a care.He is a big flirt too.I have never caught him cheating but his flirting is getting the best of me.I am so tired of being sad.I don't know how long I can take this.He thinks I have to have sex with him everyday.I feel like a fool sleeping with him and he doesn't do anything for me or the kids but cause us pain.I left him last summer and stayed gone for 2 months.I was so alone.I found out he was doing really bad, on the verge of suicide using so many drugs.I was afraid he'd die so I bought this house and moved him right in.He promised not to do drugs anymore but I could tell hed never stop.I am so angry, hurt, sad, etc.It seems like he is numb and has no feelings.He tries to make me feel stupid. I have bipolar and had never worked before until this pass year.I graduated and now I am a teacher.I get scared all of the time that I am going to have a setback with my disorder because o what he is doing to me. I never have peace,I am always worried about him. yyyyyy do i even care about him.I try to ignore him, but he makes himself known.I wanna leave because he wont but i am tired of moving in and out and paying so much money and end up coming back. AM I CRAZY???

Dec 30, 2009
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Holding on to pain
by: Anonymous

I found this forum with the search "love lost to Meth." I wanted Affection, Respect, Companionship.. but the cycle of using made the window for that smaller and smaller on the physical, emotional and spiritual levels.

It begins with lots of energy, expectations, sense of entitlement, and tooo busy for me. The the drug starts wearing off; disappointment, stress, rage, no respect. Finally, exhaustion.. Sleeping to recover, isolation, rejection, no affection.

This intelligent, articulate, talented man threatened and insulted me. I held on because he was ruining his mind and body. The meth monster wanted his soul. Illogical stuff would come out of his mouth. I kept asking myself "how crazy is he?" Would he really burn my house down? (I joke that it would've been a great favor in this market.)

I left my own house. I offered money for him to move. I offered money for medical help. I had to evict him. I came back and here I am, 8 months later. Asking myself why am I holding on to the painful memories?

I loved him dearly. If I stop remembering him, that would really make it over. He would really be gone. But "hurt people hurt people." So I have to move on. I have to believe there's something better waiting. I have to work at getting better. Beyond just Victim, survivor, to living My own life.

I hope everyday that he will have that "moment of clarity" and the right people to help him recover. Every day. That's hard to stop doing.

So now? Now I have to make a new life. Re script. The joy, hope at the beginning of the relationship? I have to think that's still part of me. I brought that to the table. So let it surface.

The chemical blanket of anti depressants, or anxiety meds? I need them less and less. But they are tools. Like routine, and exercise, and gratitude lists I don't have to walk on eggshells, there is peace not chaos and rage. Or any more holes in walls.

Addicts play you. Hope. Fear. At first I thought fear meant of him, then the suicidal comments when he was on the street (and trying to play me) that was fear for him. There is help. He has to want it. I'm not there to blame anymore. Maybe he will take the step he needs.

I need to let go. It's very sad, but sadder if I continue to let this relationship make my life a tragedy. I hope this helps. As he once so charmingly said to me? "Don't postpone Joy."

Dec 19, 2009
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Had to Divorce Meth Addicted Husband
by: Anonymous

thanks for the other post-every post is encouraging. I do very much know that SO many of my own problems stem from codependency. I have the book co-dependant no more-and it looks rough-I have used it so much. We did go see a therapist back in 2007-where he openly discussed his drug addiction-but the therapist told me-he was addicted to meth-and I was addicted to him...I have also recenly ordered some books on Love addiction, and the book "women who love too much" wow-------I have been just as sick as he has. Admitting this is not that hard --after all -it's true. It does get easier every day-however-the no contact thing is the best-if you are so atttached to the soon to be ex-we had to have a very breif conversation the other day- and as short as it was-"consisted of us not seeing each other when he came to get the remainder of his things-and he said something like "we don't have to ever see each other" I said it's best-he said " no that's the way it is-you wanted this" so I'm giving it to you.No argueing-he has had divorce papers for 14 days & said he has been too busy to get them signed -but said he would make it a priority and get it done so fast it would make my head spin"--I found myself in an emotional heart wrenching heap after this "little short" conversation. Trust me I know I'm better off-and I will have good days & bad days-I have family that is very supportive of my decision-I also have good support group of friends-but it wouldnt hurt to go back to alanon. thanks for all post-

Dec 19, 2009
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I hear you loud and clear
by: Anonymous

I never know when the truth ends and the lies begin. Im an addict in recovery for 5 years. My battle only lasted a year and a half. Ive been married to my husband just over 2 years. In the 4 years Ive been with him its been the hardest time of my life. Its been one thing after another with his battle to stay sober.
This once nice sweet young lady that trusted everyone has turned into a distrusting old bitch and I hate it. The stories from my husband always change. He has however as far as I know been sober for 10 months now. But I dont know if it will last.
I do drug test him and watch very close evey move he makes. Its a life of hell for me to always have knots in my stomach over the smallest change in behavior.
The best advice I can give to anyone is keep moving forward and dont look back. Keep reminding yourself hes not that way because of you....He has a desease, a sickness and the only one who can change him is him. You are responsible for you, not him.
Im on my way to a better life. I will not loose everything I have worked so hard to get in this life over what my husband can not overcome. We have a choice to live in missery with them or find peace without them. I know it hurts and hurts bad. When they are sober they are all wonderful but, the pain we are going through without them means a brighter future without the fear of them using.
God never closes one door without opening another. My prayers are with you.

Dec 11, 2009
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Had to Divorce Meth Addicted Husband"
by: Anonymous

been w/ husband for almost 23 yrs. Divorced in 2004 ( he was on pain killers & not working & I had an affair-no excuse-but it takes two) Got divorced but we never really seperated -still lived together. We were doing good I thought-we had bought a house in 2006 to flip-he was doing all the work as I have my own business. he started using in may 2006--I knew something was horribly wrong--all money not accounted 4, not answering phone, missing in action, temper--I found out dec 24, 2006 from my son who was in rehab that daddy was an meth addict.

I would kick him out-he would go live w/ his mom,I would take him back,I would suspect he was using, he would fail or refuse to take a drug test & I would kick him out again.I lost count of how many times we kissed & made up & he promised me he would never use again. He joined church & was clean for about 8 months--somewhere in there--it was wonderful.Then the cycle started all over again.

he was gone from 4/ 09-6/ 09 & started coming over (mistake) he was clean & said all the right things. Both Christians we remarried June 29 09 he PROMISED ME NO MORE METH-weird things started happening & so I ask him to drug test in Sept-he flat refused.I ask him to leave again. he started working & living with his mom. so lonley & I started calling him-well--we kissed & made up again. He started giving me money to help pay all the bills & life was good.or so I thought-crazy stuff starts again-I find out he can't account for almost 600-800 $ of his pay check--he said-Im irresponsible with money-so I test his pee in the toilet & it comes out positive. I asked why & he proceeded to tell me you cant test toilet pee-I told him i was sending it off to the lab 4 confirmation--& if it was positive--I would file 4 divorce & we were done.

Nov 27 I called the lab & it was + When he got home I ask him what he had to say-& he said he didnt know why it would be positive. I ask him to not throw me under the bus & make me feel like I'm crazy. he finally admitted to using-& said he only spent 25.00 on it--& it was only 1 time. I can't tell you how many "one time's" excuses I have heard.I ask him would he please get help. he said he didnt have a problem & didnt need help.

He left-& went to his moms-we have spoken one time by phone--where he proceeded to tell me" I could move on the the next victom?" Typical of an addict--it's always somebody elses fault. I filed 4 divorce December 2nd. I WANT DO THIS ANYMORE I finally--thank God finally that I realize-it's killing me-my finances,peace, everything--his addiction & tyring to keep track of him & "is he using"or not using is no way to live.I cant be married to someone I dont trust.

Make no mistake--this is killing me. Right here at Christmas-we have spent 23 yrs of Chistmas's together. I have decided NO CONTACT--cause I still love him so much--but he would come back say all the right things--then it would happen again.

Nov 24, 2009
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Don't succumb to anti depressants.
by: Anonymous

Your pain and anguish are real. There is no denying that. But I think the last thing to do is start numbing that grief with drugs. Everyday that you make it through is one more day closer to happiness. You should find a good support group and then proceed very carefully. Sad to say there are a lot of predators in support groups who prey on grieving women. God will help you in this journey, but he won't make your journey go away. You must come to terms with your responsibility in this situation. We are partly if not wholly to blame in our life's struggles. You knew before you married that drugs were present. You ignored and denied a long time. Now, with self searching, honesty to yourself, and a lot of time you have a chance for a real and happy life. Do the work. Don't try to find a shortcut. You will be better for it. God bless you.

Nov 09, 2009
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One Day at a time
by: Anonymous

One day at a time love. You know long-term you'll be better off than staying in a relationship to a drug addict. But it's going to take you time to get there. The pain will be unbearable for a while, but it won't be that way forever. Just focus on taking baby steps and taking it day by day. I also think you should go see someone. A good Therapist may be just what you need right now, and of course your family. You'll get through this, you'll see. Don't give up. God Bless.

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