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My 19 Year Old Son is Addicted to Oxyconten, Do I Need to Kick Him Out?

by Lesley
(Langhorne, Pa)

Hi, I have a 19 year old son who has been doing Oxy for the last 2 years. I was 18 when I had him, but took excellent care of him. I raised him stable, well educated everything. I taught him right from wrong, kept open communication with him always, I was always there for him.

I have never drank or done drugs myself. I spoke to him growing up about all the dangers of drugs. At age 11, I caught him smoking. I was floored. I did everything I could to stop it. I punished him, took things away etc.

At age 13 I caught him with a friend drinking. I went as far as to call the cops, had him "arrested". Had him speak with officers, do community service, write essay's etc. All the while I was there talking to him, loving him etc.

Then at age 15, caught him smoking pot. Now filled with fear as I know this can lead to other drugs, I immediately took him to outpatient rehab. We went 3 times a week for 6 moths. Watched movies about drugs, how it ruins lives etc.

Well, 2 years later, my worst fear, he started doing OXY. I just don't know what to do. I have done the Suboxone route 3 times, the therapy, the grounding, everything. He is so bad right now, I have to hide my purse at all times. He has stolen from me over and over again. He has stolen his 10 year old sisters birthday money, he lies, he brings low-life, bottom of the barrel people around my house even when I tell him no one is allowed over. He doesn't listen. He doesn't care what I say.

It's not fair to my other two children or me to have to deal with this. It caused a huge strain in my marriage and I have talked to my son until I am BLUE IN THE FACE and it doesn't matter. Everyone tells me to kick him out, but I can't do it, I just can't.

Answer

Hi Lesley

As you have so sadly realised, there is absolutely nothing you can do to control your son's addiction.

Some people are just pre-disposed toward addiction, and there is really nothing anyone can do about that. All you can do is hope that your son eventually reaches a point where a switch goes off inside of him, and he realises he needs to turn his life around.

The fact that you've done everything you possibly can thus far and been supportive - and that hasn't worked - your only option left is to begin using a tough love approach.

Because right now your son knows that whatever he does, you'll be there no matter what, so he knows he can take advantage of you/use you. Because make no mistake, that's exactly what he's doing right now. So in effect you're actually enabling his behavior.

So I do think it's time you give your son the choice. If he wants to continue staying in your house, he has to get clean and stay that way. Otherwise he's out - and you have to make sure you follow through on that and not get soft. In doing that he'll suddenly realise Mom isn't there to take advantage of anymore, and he now has to fend for himself. That may result in him reaching his rock-bottom much sooner than he would otherwise, and realise it's time for him to change.

Of course with addiction there are no guarantees anything will work. Much of the time we can only pray that the addict we love eventually sees the light and reaches the point where they're ready to choose a different path.

But I do agree with your friends. It's time to show tough love and kick your son out. Doing that, as difficult as it seems, doesn't mean you love your son any less. In fact it can be the ultimate act of love because it suddenly makes your son accountable for his using, and in doing so will hopefully help him realise what he's actually doing to himself.

Read Sarah's story how she dealt with her daughter's addiction. It will give you a wonderful perspective through the eyes of a parent on how to handle your son's addiction.

I wish you all the strength and courage possible to help you get through this. It's such a difficult decision, but in the long run may be the best chance you have of giving your son the opportunity to ultimately save himself.

God Bless

Comments for My 19 Year Old Son is Addicted to Oxyconten, Do I Need to Kick Him Out?

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May 15, 2013
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??
by: Anonymous

He is probably rebelling because you sent him to rehab for smoking pot. For smoking something that is as addictive as a roller coaster ride. When you sent him there, he lost all respect for you. He probably had a very firm "I am only going to smoke pot because i know my mother would hate for me to actually be addicted to something." mentality and when you sent him to rehab for that he probably took on the "I am going to do everything i can to ruin my yuppy, stuck up mother's life now, so i might as well do all the drugs i want to." YOU FUCKED UP, not him. You should have dealt with the issue yourself instead of sending him to rehab. I am sorry, but that is where all of this is stemming from. Butterfly effect, baby.

Aug 08, 2012
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thanks for sharing
by: Anonymous

your story fit minte perfectly. i just asked my son to move out atage 21. he camme home last night for "just 1 night of sleep". he smoked pot in the house and i toldhim he can't come back for this reason. i hurt and i cry. my parents are finally jumping on board and not enabling so he has no place to stay. he steaals a lot of money from them but i am sure it will run out soon. i must kep my younger child safe as well and i have had countless stangers in the home. it's scary but i find strength in taking actin. we will be staging an intervention soon form y 21yr old who uses alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy, norco, valium and anyhting else that ishanded to him..I keep praying and attending alnanon!

Apr 21, 2012
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Drug Hell
by: Anonymous

If your adult children are still living at home, it is a privaledge! If they are Drug Addicts & Drug Dealers & using your home or intimidating you into being their personal Lacky and Enabler or Bank through threats or violence, then it's time to pack their belongings, put them outside, change the locks. Don't ever let them "EVER" live in your house again. Their drug problems are theirs and as long as they want it, they need to deal with it without wrecking the lives of family members & tearing through the family finances. Inform other family members before they get involved & just sit back & practice the word "NO" & protect yourself from this distruction. Drug Addicts can be dangerous & it may cost you your life or the life of someone close to you. Don't be wishy washy about it, get serious. Don't allow your child to keep you hostage in thier drug hell! Life is too short.

Sep 19, 2011
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When does it get to"normal"?
by: Anonymous

my son is 19 years old and is addicted to drugs I am currently at his probation meeting with him and found out that he still been using drugs when I thought he wasn't. I found out that he was shooting up through his tattoo on his forearm, when he was 17 I put him in rehab for 6 months I thought the problem was over I was wrong. I have kicked him out of my house he's not allowed to live there anymore so he has stayed with his grandparents. I'm having a very difficult problems with my mom and my sister who keep continually being enablers to him. so I always look like the bad guy in front of the whole family how do I get other family members to stop enabling him. I've kick him out of my home. he's currently living with his grandparents who also currently are missing a pistol. What do I do when I'm trying to give him tough live and be stays at other places?

Aug 28, 2011
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We feel your pain
by: Anonymous

Hi Leslie.
We ARE in the same situation and have younger children in the house as well.
Our 21 yr old son was injured in 08 and put on oxycodene by the Dr. while he waited 1 month until they could operate (severe swelling impeded the surgery), & then for 1 1/2 mo after surgery. Ultimately, he was convinced by one of his BFF's to try heroin, because the oxy wasn't helping anymore. We have raised him to know right from wrong, we have our faith in God, go to church...thought we were doing parenting the right way. Limited babysitters,lots of family time, etc... and one evening he called us (we were out) and said something was wrong, could we come home. We did immediately and this resulted in a trip to the ER, he had shot up and it became clear that he in fact hadn't shot up with heroin (like he thought) that someone had sold him something homemade and almost more dangerous. "HE GOT LUCKY!" (We had suspected he was using pot, but weren't sure) Our fear grew as we sat with him and heard some of the situations he had been in and how stupid we felt for being there for the past year and being SO BLIND! Now, after rehab, suboxone treatment (which he is still undergoing), he is going through fits of rage with us, screaming at us, slamming doors, swearing at us. We keep our bedroom door locked at night because we fear, "who will he bring home?". We have woke up and had complete strangers sleeping in our family room. His room looks like a crack house. We ask him to clean or pick it up, he tells us to mind our own business or quit telling him what to do. He has had a new job (been through several in the last year), he comes in late even during the work week (we have to be up at 5am, him at 5:30am) We are exhausted all the time. Sometimes, he comes in at 1am/2:30am and starts cooking in the kitchen, which wakes us up. If we say anything, he yells at us and tells us to go back to bed, why did we have to get up anyway. He's hungry and hasn't eaten. We'll say, why didn't you come home for diner, I cooked a great meal. He'll say, "Just stop talking to me, go back to bed; You always do this, why can't you just stop; Your always bugging me; Why do you try to tell me what to do" this goes on & on. He is in the kitchen slamming cupboards, clanking pans, dishes, etc. it's impossible to get back to sleep. He runs out of gas and says, "he has no money for gas, how is he suppose to get to work?" Here he just got paid on Friday, and had money for a $60 video game... it's Sunday! "he lost his money somewhere, and he only had $80.00 left of his paycheck"... etc.
He's disrespectful; We've tried to kick him out, he says "where am I going to go? Live on the street?" How do we force our 21 year old to leave?
Please help. We love him and are so worried about what will become of him. He has no chance of success without a job...and has no where to stay..
Any advice will be helpful. I know we need to find a nar-a-non meeting.

Jun 01, 2011
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heloo
by: Rami

HI, I read most of the posts, I am 27 years old, passed through all kinds of drugs when i was teen till 21 years old, I wonder myself how I used to behave like this, or pick lock dad's safe. I've been trying to get money. But people who talk about the perfect solution, there is no solution hidden in equation. I stopped by myself no Rehab, no detox, even my parents never get sure that i am into drugs, maybe because they partly didn't bother. I have the same problem now with my young brother who is 19. I recognized the symptoms when he was 16, now i think he is in period of quitting and drinking where he decided to change his was and want to be winner.
Thats the biggest solution, He should drive his mind again, force work sometimes and repulse some other times, comfortable and love help some times and spoil other times. Its teen problem, but actually there should be balance between love and tough, I don't like to be like pope or angel from sky, but actually there big part related with God, Believe, and hypothesis thinking and analysis.
Its not about desire of your son, but its about blindness of his eye. How could we en-light it?. Its not hopeless case, but certinly its not guaranteed with rehab 100%, this is true. because many circumstances,
1. how was his past?
2. how is his present?
3. who spoiled his mind and how?
4. how to get close to that rusty mind?
5. does his strong will can overcome the strength of the imaginary beauty of the drug state of mind?
6.7.8.9.10
its 90% psychological 10% pill

hhh i wont be any longer I have my brother now addicted or quitting with no rehab as i did, I believe in GOD's will, I believe that we did our best to raise him up, I believe that he will have good path, just hunting the opportunity to show the pass, never talk about it while angry, just get it in direct with care and love sense, invite him for a clean trip just couple of weeks to compromise life with or without drugs.

NO rehab guarantee, No human guarantee, Just your seed and your collection, and with how hard and logic is your tries

Wish i helped you,
don't get depressed he will be ok.
Just believe he is good and deserve and work from this point you will reach something meaningful
have a good day :)

Jun 01, 2011
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Thank you for support
by: dj

Whilst my daughter is addicted to methadone and morphine ( perscription drugs brought off the street and injected) I found all of the comments on this page very helpful. Our daughter is 19 and has been involved in risk taking behavior since she was 13 and involved in drugs for the last 3 years. So the last 7 years have been really stressful and sad. We have gone round in circles for years with trying to support her to get off the drugs. We have endured the stealing, constant lying, abuse and aggression that is part of the whole addiction. She has been in and out of home on numerous occassions and has had lots of support from family and a range of support services but nothing seems to work. We have finally reached a point whereby we have had to tell her to leave and that we do not want anything to do with her unless she gets herself into rehab (she is on a waiting list). That has been the hardest thing to do as parents but the comments from others have given us strength, deep down we know that is her only hope because the cycle just keeps on while we have her back home when she is coming down off the drugs or has nowhere to go. I have been to counseling myself and this really helps me to deal much better with the situation. The counselor has explained to me that it is a grieving process and we have in fact 'lost' the daughter that we once had and all of the dreams and hopes we had for her. It is so sad that there are many parents out there around the world (we are in Australia) who are suffering this loss and sadness and living in hope that one day their son or daughter will turn their life around. It is helpful to share these feelings and experiences with others on this website. It is supportive to share with other parents who understand, can offer their insights and care about others. Than you.

Apr 25, 2011
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19 year old son marijuana/alcohol/pills/spice
by: Anonymous

my son is 19 years old. he started marijuana and drinking alcohol when he was 14 years old.he has been in trouble with the law 50 times. he dropped out of school in the 11th grade, missed a whole lt of school in the 10th grade. he will be 20 in dec and has no ged. he is going to jail today to serve 2 weeks for 2 marijuana ppss charges. he will be out in a week or 2 and i want to find a sober coach for him, he still lives at home, and we live in brentwood tn. we need someone to move in our home with us for a while or something like that. he smokes that spice and is stoned all day and night. he is now on klonapin from the dr. he convinced the dr to pres him that. he wont take his anti depressants. i think he needs them. he has adhd, and i think he is bi polar maybe. WE NEED HELP.
if he gets in trouble again, he will go to big boy jail for 2 years. my husband is a big enabler, and will do CRAZY things to get my son in trouble. i am dying here. please help !!!

Apr 08, 2011
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MY NEPHEW DIED JULY 2010 AT 18 YEARS OLD SAME ADDICTION
by: KIM

There is a real problem in the U.S. and it is growing quickly from unintentional drug overdose deaths. Look up the information on this. I would do everything possible to get them help. Because they really cannot do it alone. It is hard to get them to admit it but show them the death rates for opiate overdoses in the U.S. or even each state. It is hard to find help also because it takes a minimum of 4 months intensive help to get off opiate's. It is a real problem and growing quickly. The states do recognize the problem, but are ignoring the ways to stop it. You can't just build more prisons, we need rehab's. The real kind of help that is needed. If they don't end up in prison the other is a funeral. It is really something hard to take but should not be ignored. I watched my nephew battle the opiate's and he wanted to stop honestly, but the addiction was too powerful, as well as finding a rehab that would do more than detox them. Yes there are some rehab's around but without insurance that would cover that kind of addiction people are being left to deal with it on their own. The rehab's that are free to people are only a handful and the list is growing shorter every day. Some want to ignore the problem until it is their own child that is addicted. These children are getting it everywhere down to middle schools and growing in high schools. There is a T.V. show Interventions you can contact also.

God Bless
Kim

Feb 23, 2011
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Tough Love
by: Anonymous

I have watched my nephew use and abuse drugs for years. He hits his mom, screams and yells at both parents. He steals money and thier prescription pills. His parents are disabled.His dad is 62& his mom is 54. I told them to kick him out, and sometimes they do, but they always let him back in. This just enables him. You have to stop giving them everything. They will take advantage of you. They aren't grateful, or care about you at all. They will use anyone they can to get thier drugs. You have to let go! That is not the child you gave birth to. My nephew said he doesn't care if he slits his mother's throat in her sleep. That's how little he cares. He told that to his dad and uncle. I will throw him and his drug dealing friends in jail. Take down license numbers and record the phone numbers. Get him out and away from your home for the safety of your family. Get tough!

Feb 23, 2011
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24 year old nephew abusing his parents for money & drugs
by: Anonymous

My nephew admitted in one of his fits of rage that he has been shooting crystal meth and oxyconten. He bullies his mom & dad for the money. They are still in denial. I don't want him to be in this town anymore. We live in Ca. I'm not sure what the laws here are. My sister and her husband are both disabled. They will throw him out one day and let him back in the next day. They actually believe his lies. He has hit his mom so hard that she had to have stiches in her mouth. Due to thier disabilitys, they have vicoden,soma and other prescriptions in the house. He has strong arm robbed his mother for the pills. He is on probation after doing 8 months for having needles on him. Is there any legal recourse I can take to protect my sister and her husband. He's going to kill them. He even told his dad that he would happily slit his mothers throat as she sleeps. Help!

Jan 26, 2011
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My experience is just beginning
by: Anonymous

I finally hit that point with my 19 year old son last night. He has been an addict for over a year, he has stolen from family, friends.....always lying and covering up. He spent a very short time in rehab in October and I have wanted desperately to believe he was better, but he is not. I kicked him out last night, and it was the hardest thing have ever done. I cried until my tears were gone. He begged me , he cried, he got angry.....but I told him he could not come back in the house until he had completed a minimum of 30 days of inpatient rehab. Long story short, he called me this morning and says he is checking in. Because of privacy laws, I can't confirm it, but I will continue to pray that he has hit bottom and wants to get better. Staying strong has been the heardest thing I have EVER had to do, but if I give at all we will be right back where we started. Oxy is a horrible drug and recovery is gruesome. Luckily i have amazing support, and I look at my other 3 boys and now how much they are learning from this. Stay strong. His life depends on it.

Aug 23, 2010
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from a son to a mother.
by: Anonymous

Leslie, I am so sorry you have to go through this as I am 24 years old and I have a very similar issue. I can see the disappointment in my mothers eyes when she knows "something isn't right" and she always knows, every time. It makes me feel terrible letting her down, she has always been there for me and has truly been an amazing parent, working her ass off and getting her college degree as I was young. She deserves better, and I know you do too. I have recently turned a corner and am on my way to recovery myself. My advice, try not to resent him, and TALK to him. Not just about how disappointed you are or how much of his life he is wasting but be supportive. Tell him he needs to get help and I agree with the long term rehabilitation option. Kicking him out is like playing russian roulette with your child, he may hit rock bottom and come back begging for you to help him OR he may get himself into something neither he nor you can get him out of. One thing is definitive, you must stop enabling him in any way. You should definitely go to a na-anon meeting. It is meetings for families of addicts and it has seriously helped my parents when my older brother had the same issue years back. It is extremely therapeutic knowing you aren't alone in your feelings and they will teach you healthy ways of dealing with this that WILL HELP HIM GET CLEAN. And it will help you more then you can imagine, my parents tell me how truly helpful this was to them. GO WITH LONG TERM REHAB, AT LEAST A YEAR. THREATEN TO KICK HIM OUT IF HE REFUSES AND DO IT, IT MAY BE THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE HIS LIFE. He needs knowledge, he needs to learn what its like to be sober because he will love it, remember that he is lonely and he is lost, he needs guidance, only rehab can give him the tools and knowledge he needs to get past this. I wish you all the strength and courage to do what is right. He is still young and you CAN save him, he CAN turn this around if you act promptly. Give him the opportunity to do this by sending him to rehab. He will be stubborn and scared, he will be upset with you, but he will thank you for saving his life in the long run. He will gain a vast knowledge of addiction and of himself and this is what he will need to beat this. All the best.

Nov 23, 2009
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Response from an addict.
by: Brad Jackson

There is nothing that you can do for your son until he hits his bottom. I am 20 years old and a heroin addict. I have been clean now for roughly six months, and it took a very heavy hit for me to want to change. Kicking him out may not be the absolute best approach to the issue, try to send him to a long term rehab center first. When I left my dad's house I lived with a dealer for a couple months and overdosed multiple times. Its only by the grace of God that I am still alive. I highly recommend that you check out an al-anon meeting in your area. He is fighting a progressive disease, that will ultimately end in death, jail, or institutions. Opiates have a way of driving you insane. Try to set harsh curfews, such as taking his house keys, and if he isn't home by a preset time, lock him out. Pull him from your car insurance and tell him if he leaves in your car you will report it stolen, cut out any cash flow, etc... I hope this helps, Brad

Oct 13, 2009
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Strong Drug and A stronger parent
by: Anonymous

Your doing the right thing by talking about it, doesn't do you nor him any good by letting resentment, fear, and sadness bottle you down. I was addicted to oxycontin for a long time. Went through a 12 step program and then started helping others get off it.

It's a tough situation, the best thing for you to do is to continue talking about it and get other people experience whom have gone through the same thing.

If I could offer a suggestion. I stumble upon a great support site that will actually help you build your support group by suggesting other members who have or are going through a similar situation. Go to http://ixaddict.com and create an account. I'm a member and really happy with it, I look forward to getting the great strength other members have to offer.

Nancy

Sep 14, 2009
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Thanks for your responses
by: Anonymous

These comments really help and I appreciate you taking time to write me. I am trying to get the strength to do what everyone tells me to do. This does help me though. So thank you.

Sep 12, 2009
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Oxycontin is serious business
by: Matt Brindisi

The title of this blog grabber my attention. Reason being is my brother died at 19 back in 01 due to Oxycontin overdose. I was crushed for many years and began to use heavily to cover up my feelings. Thank God he brought me out of it and has begun to use not only my father who started http://www.dammadd.org but has used me to start a small treatment center in Delray Beach, Florida. http://www.transformationstreatment.com
For God I am forever grateful and when I work, I work unto Him and with a passion to really help those from going through what I went through almost 9 years ago. God Bless

Matt

Sep 09, 2009
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Tough Love is the Way to Go
by: C-P

Lesley, I also think it's time to use the tough love approach. You've done everything you can, and your son needs to realise you won't stand for his behavior anymore. If he wants to continue being a drug addict - it's not going to be in your house or on your time anymore. It's time he reaps the consequences of his drug addiction, and for you to begin your own healing. It's time to let go, as hard as it is. In the end, it may actually be what saves your son.
Take Care

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