My Addiction To Cocaine and Valium Ruined My Relationship

by rue
(nv)

My addiction pushed away the person that mattered most to me, and 7 months later i still feel like a pathetic little girl crying over the boy that broke my heart.

Four months before I began dating my ex, a guy I was seeing got me started on cocaine and valium. I have allways struggled with slight depression and anxiety and this felt like my ticket out of that. Unfortunatly it was the complete opposite and changed my life forever.

Me and my ex started dating and I slowly became more aggressive, irrational, clingy and just completely lost touch with reality. He just got out a serious relationship, was not ready to deal with my emotions but he really tried to be there for me and let me move in when i had no where else to go.

He had no idea I was doing cocaine but knew about my addiction to valium and tried so hard to help me get off it. I began crying daily and breaking things, accusing him of cheating and I could tell I was losing him but thought I could get off of the drugs alone.

Eventually after trying to overdose 3 times, he broke up with me. I took every ounce of kindness from that boy and he became cold and selfish, which I guess he needed to do. That day I checked myself into the hospital and began my path to a clean life.

The damage was done and he could barely look at me, now 5 months clean I feel like a completely diffrent person but he can't even speak with me. He gave up on me when I needed him the most and now says he doesn't care about me anymore, which is his way of pushing me away.

I know he has his problems and is afraid of me bringing him down again and im not sure if he means what he says when he tells me he doesn't care about me anymore and his life is so much better without me.

I wish everyday for a second chance and I know I'll never get it - it kills me every day. He'll never understand, I feel like im living with addiction all over again.