My Alcoholic Husband Has Recently Become Physically Abusive.

My husband of 14 years has gradually become an alcoholic (he admits it). Over the years we have fought but when he's been drinking our fights escalate to a new level. Over the last six months or so he has become violent, throwing a TV, throwing a phone across the room, and last week finally punching me in the back of the head.

He since apologized repeatedly. We have a 2 and a 4 year old who have witnessed a bit of the violence.

I love him and would like to stay married but I'm unsure how to proceed. I've told him that I'd leave him if he is physically abusive again but there have now been three instances in the last year (escalating in severity) and I'm just not sure if its possible for him to stop himself.

What can I do, he refuses marital counceling.

---

---

Answer

Physical violence/abuse is under no circumstances ever okay so you have to become extremely firm with him no matter how apologetic he is afterwards.

You need to insist that your husband gets professional help for his drinking problem immediately, in the form of alcoholism treatment - and commits to turning his life around and living a life of sobriety - or you and the kids leave.

For the sake of your own well-being, but even more so for the sake of your kids, if you don't draw a line in the sand now, you are going to cause yourself and your children untold damage if you allow this to continue. Your husband needs help for his alcoholism and you need to insist that he gets that.

You also need to make it clear that if he doesn't get help and permanently overcomes his addiction ... and if he ever touches you again ... you will leave him. Really that is a non-negotiable condition you have to insist upon immediately, otherwise things are only going to get worse and worse, and in the long-run its actually your kids that will suffer the worst from all of this.

So marital counseling is a good idea, but even more critical is your husband gets professional help for his alcoholism by going through a proper treatment program and then committing to a life of sobriety by working a proper alcohol recovery program. There is no other way and you need to make sure you're strong enough to walk away if he doesn't make the changes he needs to. Otherwise you're actually just enabling his addiction and he won't fully learn from the destructive consequences his alcoholism is creating.

I know it's not easy, but there is no easy way to approach this. Take a stand now and in the long run you'll be glad you did. Best of Luck.

+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com