My Alcoholic Son Is Out OF Control, How Do I Handle This?

by jackie
(north wilkesboro, nc)

My son is married, has 2 children living at home, his wife is there also. My son quit drinking for 3 years and then his older brother passed away in front of him and one of his children's friends overdosed. He was the one who had to handle it with the police and got them to go to tell the child's parents that their child was dead in their upstairs bedroom.

I could go on and on but the main thing is he is drinking all the time, he still works long hours, but he has lost touch with everyone and everything. He is a good man and he has a good heart but he is drowning his life away with beer and probably more than that when he is with his friend.

His wife drinks also, but not like he does. It is affecting his relation with his daughters, one 14 yrs old and one 11. They find peace at my house. I of course being his mother am worried to death but there is nothing I can do. I know he has to do it himself.

His wife has told me when her sister comes back from New Zealand where she lives now, she and her daughters are finding a house and moving in with her here in the US. What can I do?

I, myself have been through my husband's alcoholism and my daughters addiction to crack cocaine. I hate seeing my son literally kill himself. I also hate what my granddaughters have to see and hear with the arguing and fighting.

The thing is when my daughter-in-law does move, she will continue to drink every night also. I feel like there is just no answer for anyone. please help me help them all. thank you.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Hi Jackie

Unfortunately we can't help you help them all because we don't have a magic cure we can offer you. The only control we have over is over ourselves, so as much as you want to help your son - you have to understand you can't cure his alcoholism and change his life. He has to do that himself.

The best thing you can try and do is facilitate your son getting professional help, through an alcoholism addiction treatment program. Whether he's ready for that and wanting to change is another matter entirely - many alcoholics are in such denial that getting help is something they simply won't consider. But perhaps if you got through to him what he stands to lose if he doesn't - his wife, kids etc. - he might be more open to the idea.

But again there is only so much you can do. If he loses his wife as a consequence of his alcoholism, ultimately that could be a good thing, if it means that in the long-run it forces him to re-look at his life and make the changes he needs to. The biggest victims in all of this are of course the kids, so do everything you can to protect and support them. But what goes on between him and his wife, you do really have no control over.

Somehow you're going to have to make peace with the fact that your son is going to have to bear the consequences for his alcoholism, and in doing so will hopefully reach his bottom, from which he's ready to turn his life around. He has been through some extremely traumatic stuff, but if he ever wants to move on with his life, he's going to have to let go of that.

And perhaps you need to remind him of that because right now he's not only killing himself, he's causing his kids untold heart-ache and pain. So if you can get that message through to him - that he can't think about himself anymore, and that he needs to consider what this is doing to his kids, he'll be open to getting the help he so desperately needs.

All the Best

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