My Boyfriend Got a Second DUI

by Lisa M
(Miami, fl)

My boyfriend got arrested last year in January for a DUI. I found out about it, so I let it go. This week I found he also got arrested in April the same year for the same thing.

So he lied to me all this time. I'm so confused I have tried to be there for him. But I think it's time for me to let go. Or am I being selfish?

I'm a med student never have gotten into trouble, but I just had the hope he would change. We have been together 3 years. And he does have a past. He was arrested in 2010 for weed possession. I just found all this out.

Do men like this change or is it a recurring cycle? We are both 24. I would appreciate any honest advice.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Do people change Lisa? Of course they do. Will your boyfriend? Who knows. What you can't do is make your decision on whether to continue your relationship on the kind of person you want him to be ... you have to do it based on who he is now.

So you either have to accept him as he is, and if he does change, that's a bonus - or you have to get honest with yourself about the kind of qualities that are a non-negotiable in someone you're going to be in a committed relationship with - like having integrity, being honesty and trustworthy,acting responsibly - and make the decision whether you're getting that from him.

People change because they want to - not because we want them to. So making a decision to do what's best for you is not being selfish. The qualities we value and are most important to us in a partner are different for everyone. So decide what those are for you and you'll know what to do. Good Luck

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