My Boyfriend is an Addict - I Know it's Time to Walk Away but I Don't Know How

by Stacey
(Leeds)

Hi. I have been with my partner for six years. I have 5 children - 2 are to him. My youngest is 9 weeks old. He has had a problem with drugs for 5 years now.

He has times when he is clean - but then the lies start again. I've tried everything to help him. He went in to rehab 8 weeks ago but left after 3 weeks saying he was better. He did well for a week and I thought I finally had my family back together but then he started lying again and taking things from my house.

I know I need to walk away but it's so hard. I feel sorry for him. I also love him so much and I can't imagine not having him in my life. It's starting to make me ill. I put my kids to bed then I can't stop crying. I can't eat as I'm always worrying. I just need to know - will it get easier and am I doing the right thing?

Answer

Hi Stacey

It's really sad to hear your story and how your current situation with your partner is hurting you.

But you need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can bring your kids up in an environment where they feel safe, loved and supported with things as they stand at the moment?

Addiction is a terrible disease, and unfortunately unless, and until, someone wants help, and is committed to working at staying clean and building a new life for themselves in recovery, nothing will change no matter what they promise or say they'll do.

I'm sure you do love your partner, but sometimes when we really love someone we have to be able to adopt a tough approach and walk away, because that may be the only way that will lead them to one day break through their denial, and realise how bad they are and that they need help.

Otherwise it's easy to just continuously enable that person's behaviour - because we mistakenly think we're 'being there' for them, when in fact we're giving them the message that it's okay to carry on using drugs and behaving the way they are. And it's not!

As painful and difficult as things are right now, know that it does get easier with time, and that time does heal our wounds.

Try to also get yourself to an Al Anon meeting in your area where you can meet other people who have gone through exactly what you are now, and from whom you can gain the strength and support to help you get you through this period in your life.

Now is also the time to surround yourself with people you love, trust and feel safe with. Spend time with family and friends that will be there for you and support you.

Focus on being the best possible mother you can be and never stop believing that things will get better in time because I'm sure they will.

Take Care and God Bless.

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