My Daughter and Her Cocaine Addiction ... She's Using Again, What Do I Do?

by Zoe
(Vancouver, Canada)

My daughter was using cocaine. She went to a rehab two years ago, however she is still using occasionally. Three months ago her boyfriend left to go to study. They are in touch with each other but she started drinking again and I found cocaine in her pockets recently.

She is also simulating using cocaine with another white powder when she is drunk. She was going to counselling and she is telling me that she is still going to counselling and she is taking me the money for it - but I doubt that she really does go.

Her counsellor doesn't tell me if she has attended the session or not. That is hard for me because she may use the money for drugs. Keeping confidentiality as the counsellor pretends, is here far from responsible!

I don't know what to do. How much she lies! How do I convince her that she has got problems again?

Answer

Hi Zoe

The reality is unfortunately that you can't 'convince' your daughter she has a problem, until she is ready and wants to see it for herself.

She's been to drug rehab and so has been equipped with all the tools she needs to turn her life around. But it's up to her ultimately what she does with those tools.

That's the thing with an addiction or substance abuse problem, you can have all the knowledge in the world about how to stay clean and build a new life, but until you're ready to make the changes and apply that, nothing will change.

So you need to then establish some boundaries with your daughter as to what you deem acceptable behaviour in your house. And one of those things may be that if you're going to give her money for counselling, she needs to be able to bring a receipt.

But there is only so much you can do, your daughter now has to find her own way in life and learn to be responsible for the choices she makes - so be careful not to enable your daughter by simply giving her money and not allowing her to experience the consequences of her continued drug use.

Then you also need to ensure you don't get dragged down by your daughter's behaviour and put your own peace of mind and well-being at risk. This involves learning how to let go and accepting you can't control another person's choices, even if she is your daughter.

You may want to get help with that, whether through your own counselling or through others who know what you're going through in groups like Naranon and Al-Anon. It's not easy, but it's crucial you learn how to do that, for your own sake.

All the Best and Take Care

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