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My Daughter Drug Addiction Got Her in Jail: When She Gets Out Should I Let Her Come Home?

by Meg
(pearland, texas)

We hired an attorney to get all of my daughters drug charges dropped provided she go to rehab ... I asked her if this is what she wanted to do because if she didn't and she just wanted to do her time let me know and I wouldn't bother spending the money.

She got herself kicked out of rehab and put back in jail in 6 days she has been in jail since may 8. Should I let her come back home when she gets out? I really don't want to because I also have a younger child and her life makes ours a living hell.

Answer

Hi Meg

As her mother, it's a question only you can really answer because you'll know if it will help or hinder her getting and staying clean.

If you do let her come home - put a clear contract in place around what your expectations are and what behaviours she has to abide by if she wants to continue living at home.

Things like her having to stay clean (going through a drug treatment program if necessary), going to regular NA meetings, finding a job, paying rent, helping around the house etc. And if she breaks the terms of that contract she's out. Maybe put it to her beforehand - is she prepared to enter into such a contract or not? If she's not - no point in coming home in the first place.

Your daughter needs to learn to take responsibility for her life - and if she agrees to taking that responsibility by entering into a contract with you, it will show you her attitude to begin with is at least in the right place. But you'd have to be firm and make it clear of what the exact consequences of her breaking her contract would be - and then be sure to follow through if she did.

But if it's clear your daughter has no real intention of changing and isn't prepared to put in the effort to turn her life around, you'll just be creating the potential for massive conflict and unrest by allowing her home.

So throw the ball back into her court - as her mother you should be able to tell if she's serious?

Best of Luck

Comments for My Daughter Drug Addiction Got Her in Jail: When She Gets Out Should I Let Her Come Home?

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Jan 07, 2015
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I'm devistated NEW
by: Anonymous

My daughter has her own daughter who is five years old she has been in and out of her life since she was born in and out of jail in and out of rehab so I don't know what else to do. I'm so scared that something will happen to her if I don't let her come home from jail this time but she's pregnant again and now I really don't know what to do. If I allow her to come home and have this baby she's just going to devastate her five-year-old daughter because the next guy who comes around Will also be the next love of her life that she can't live without but she can live without her daughter. I don't know what else to do I love my daughter dearly and I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I need some help some answers maybe someone out there can help what do I do with my daughter who is pregnant with my new grandchild if I throw this child away, I don't know if I can live with that I've raised my five-year-old granddaughter and if I threw this little baby away is my own blood I don't know how I could live with myself. Anyone out there with any advice I just don't know what to do anymore I don't sleep I don't eat I'm scared to death and these aren't even my mistakes help please.

Mar 26, 2013
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I don't want her to live home again!
by: judy

I'm in the same position. My daughter is a herione addict. She has created total chaos in my home. Everything, every suggestion, every request becomes an argument. She went to rehab last year because she knew i was at the end of my rope, but she didn't really go for herself. She then lived in recovery houses where she overdosed last April. She got through that but could not return to the recovery house and against my wishes, we (husband and I) allowed her to come home. Contract was established but in a few months it was not honored by her. To make a long story short, she is using again and has recently been arrested for shoplifting and violation of probation. I DON'T WANT HER BACK IN MY HOUSE! But, I also need some options of where she can live. I don't want her on the streets, but I can no longer live like this anymore.

Jan 14, 2012
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A Mother under the same cloud of lies,
by: Anonymous

I have a similiar situation with my 25 yr old daughter. I have bailed her out of several legal issues for clandestine meth lab creation. I helped her the first time with attorney and legal fee's being paid by myself and my husband. As soon as we got her released she didn't do one single thing that she promised us while she was incarcerated.
So the second time around when it was the charges that offered to rob her life of possibly 5yr to 10 yrs. for the exact same thing. I was so angry at this point that I had watched my 2,3,4yr old grandaughter suffer while she ran off with every tom, dick or harry that came along to feed her sickness. Well I allowed her to sit in jail for a year and then began listening to her speak the language that drew me in and it was nothing but lies again......I know that she says whatever you need to hear to give you hope that she wants to be healthy and become the mother to her daughter that she hadnt been. All her regrets for not giving her daughter the life that she deserved and love that she needed. Its all lies.....She has a fractured soul when it comes to her accountability to her baby daughter. I don't know if
I can continue to allow her to come in and out of this babies life causing her pain when she seems to get better as we all are stable for her as a family. But everytime I allow her to reopen the painful place that she leaves within her daughters soul each time she leaves her crying for her not to run off and leave her again. Im sick of being the one who keeps watching this 25 yr old woman that isn't taken responsibility fir her life and I am agreeing to disagree with her life and still allowing her to come in and out of our life and her daughters taking a piece of her each time she runs off and abandones her again, Should I close the door completely.....

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