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My Ex is Addicted to Drugs, So I Told His Parents and Now He Hates Me. What Do I Do:?

Please keep in mind, I am 18 and my Ex is only 17, and a Junior in high school. It began about 7 months ago. He has had bad run ins with drugs like marijuana and pills for nearly 3 years. Last summer when I went out of town for 3 weeks, he began using Cocaine and Xanax. He broke up with me, for 3-4 weeks, and then we got back together after he claimed to have fixed everything.

I was stupid, and of course believed him because I loved him so much. Then I found out that he was selling drugs to people, I confronted him about it. He merely stated that he was just getting rid of what he had, then he would stop. Sure enough, he stopped once everything was gone, and for a while everything was alright.

Last Saturday, he got messed up on some pills (he won't tell me what kind) and slept with some girl, a long time old friend of his. And then he broke up with me, saying that it was the "honorable" thing to do after what he did to me.

It took me days, but I decided that I needed to tell his mother. I told her everything, about the Cocaine and his drug-dealing. I've never heard someone so heart-broken. Yesterday he texted me, saying how I ruined his family. His father won't even talk to him now, and it's all my fault. He won't even try to understand that I was just trying to give him the help he needs.

He told me he has not taken any drugs since that Saturday night, but to me it does not change the fact that he needs help. I'm so heart-broken. He said I ruined whatever chance I had at getting back together. I'm not too upset about that, because I deserve more but the things he says just hurts.

How am I supposed to move on? I keep questioning whether or not I have done the right thing. I know that his family's reaction is not my fault, but I feel horrible for hurting him. Please help me.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

You did the right thing. If you were a parent, wouldn't you want to know if your child were doing and dealing drugs? Because if no one knows and confronts him - how is he ever going to get help?

You're just the easy target for your ex because by blaming you, he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything. He's the one that's doing drugs, dealing and being unfaithful. So he's brought this all on himself.

Of course what he says is going to hurt, but remember you did the right thing and his parents deserve to know about what he's doing, because how can they ever try help him if they don't know?

In time things will get easier. You have to focus on moving on with your life and putting this all behind you. Addicts are good at manipulating and shifting blame onto others, so understand that this is just part of his addiction and that you have to be patient because time heals all wounds. Be Strong and Take Care

Comments for My Ex is Addicted to Drugs, So I Told His Parents and Now He Hates Me. What Do I Do:?

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Predictable Alcoholic Response
by: CaliGirl83

Hi there,

I just read your post because I was searching for an answer to the same question. I am a 30 year old woman involved with a 35 year old man who is an alcoholic and still processes emotions like a child. I can tell you age doesn't matter when you're dealing with a very real disease, let alone when you love that person!

I've been telling him since I met him one year ago and fell instantly in love (my problem, right?) that he has all the love and support in the world to stop, he just needs to make the choice and put in the effort.

He seemed to be doing much better the more time he chose to spend with me and we had a regular schedule: coffee in the morning, he'd clean my apartment during the day and watch his courtroom drama, I'd come home and we'd cook dinner, watch movies and be in bed by 10:30pm. He may have found someone to give him weed or alcohol during the day, but seemed to realize it could easily slip into a blackout so always decided to quit by the time I got home at 5. Needless to say, expectations can be set quite high as the sober lover seeing "progress".

Then our worlds flipped when he invited an alcoholic friend from his teenage years to come LIVE with him. They went on an 8 day bender, and he ignored my pleas to slow down on the drinking. He claimed it all related to my jealousy of her and began crafting stories about how I was "out to get her".

I finally had it and contacted his mother, who I've met before but lives across the country. I didn't know what else to do - and I did it completely sober and with several proofreads for honesty and neutrality!!! I just told her the truth thinking that some divine, cosmic intervention from the universe would get him to stop. It didn't and now he says I've ruined his relationship with his family that he's been trying to build for years. He also said my "volatile and vindictive outburst was selfish and I only wanted to hurt him because I was hurt" and that he "has no doubt in his mind I would try to hurt him or his family again."

I think the most important thing to remember is that this is VERY predictable denial and projective behavior! Alcoholics carefully craft a reality that suits their rationalization and justifications for why they are the way they are. They do this to feel better about themselves because their hatred and insecurities about themselves is too overwhelming to finally admit responsibility for their own failed relationships. It is so sad, but true. We didn't do anything wrong. We loved and tried our best. Time to move on.

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