My Girlfriend is an Addict - Need Help About What I Should Do?

by Zack
(Richmond Missouri)

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year now. We both love each other too much for words. I have known and have tried to help - some ways good, and some very bad from the beginning.

She is almost 19, she has been doing mostly just weed from 13. She sometimes does coke, X, and others just whatever. Her whole family, Mom, Dad, Sis, and Brother all do the same drugs and they don't mind.

I have gotten her clean for 3 weeks one time, or as far as I know. Her family made her feel very bad for quitting and made her cry allot for not doing drugs - saying things like "you are not even part of the family any more".

I have tried all the ways to help besides a group meeting because I am the only sober person she knows. She wants to quit, but at the same time is scared for her family and some of her problems in the past. I was abused by my parents when I was a child until 17 years old. My life is being destroyed by her addiction.

I love her too much to leave, I won't be able to it hurts too bad. I have told her to stop or I would, and we have split before because she wants her family to be happy with her more which I told her I understand but I still don't like it.

She wants to be clean and can but I don't know how to help with me stuck in the middle of her family and her. Her family hates me for making her clean for 3 weeks and know don't let her and I visit each other as much any more.

She knows I hurt, I have done all the things I have been reading on the internet. I understand her I have told her that. I have tried to wait and tell her I am here but when I do she only gets worse. I love her too much to leave, but it hurts so much to wait through this.

She would be clean if she could leave her family but her dad holds on and makes her feel bad when she is gone too long. She wants to do the drug at the same time when she feels like it also. I have told her not to do it around me and that seems to push her away from me as she don't want me to come to her birthdays or any special event.

I am torn on what to do. I have asked all my friends what to do and most of them tell me to leave her. I love her and she loves me we want each other but we can't because of her addict behavior and her family making her feel bad.

I just need help from some one that can help. Thank you for reading and hearing me out. If I misspelled something it is because I have dyslexia.

Answer

Hi Zack

I feel your pain, especially because I know how helpless you're feeling right now.

First off, I have to say that the situation with your girlfriend and her family seems pretty sick. Forget the fact even the kind of example they're setting, but making her feel bad for not wanting to do drugs seems totally warped.

Nevertheless, ultimately there is nothing unfortunately you can do to change the situation. Your girlfriend is the one that has to want to quit and if that means standing up to her family and insisting they respect her decision, or if moving out and finding somewhere else to live is the only way, then that is something she is going to have to do.

Yes, you can try and influence and support her, but if it's not something she really wants for herself, there is nothing else you can really do.

You can also encourage her to consider getting treated for addiction and going to rehab. That will not only help her quit, but also get her out the house away from the her family, which will allow her to speak to the counselors and people there etc. about what she can do to avoid going back into her negative family environment.

I'm sure there must be government subsidised treatment facilities in your area (i.e. free), so get hold of an Addictions Counselor where you live and ask them for the details of the programs that are available.

This is a lot to be taking on board at your age. The bottom line is that it all boils down to whether your girlfriend is serious about wanting to stop taking drugs. If she is, you can begin looking into some of the avenues I've suggested. Getting her to NA meetings and speaking to the people there will also help.

But if she doesn't really want to stop because of her family it doesn't leave you a lot of options. I really hope your girlfriend manages to break free of her situation because as it stands it doesn't sound good at all.

I'm not going to tell you whether I think you should leave her or not - because in the end I believe everything will work out for you as it's meant to.

Take care buddy. I hope it all works out.

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