My Husband Hates AA and I Get No Support

I was a mess when we met. Just out of my first marriage where ex at the time was threatening to take my child etc. In the meantime all has been restored, thank god. But drinking has always been a problem for me.

My current hubby once said - me or the drink! Giving up was just not an option. But now after years of denial I am going to - and loving - AA meetings. I finally feel at home. I have no support in this. My dad never mentions it though my mum died from this disease (house fire)
and my sister says its a cult.

I am so confused. I know it helps. Why is he so negative? We have 4 kids altogether. I am glad to be stay at home mum, but finding it harder and harder to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids.

He says I am controlling and a hypocrite because I don't tell everyone I am in AA. I have been advised to stay anonymous until stronger in self. Just doing my best. Why is marriage worse not better after years in recovery? P.S. have done steps etc. Help !

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

You have to do what is best for you, and the fact that AA has helped you with your drinking problem and helped you become a happier, healthier person, is something you should be proud and grateful for.

Why another person would begrudge and resent someone they love facing up to their alcoholism, and trying hard to turn their life around is a mystery? But people are strange creatures sometimes, and on one level maybe your husband can't handle how you've become a happier and better person.

Many people don't understand alcoholism and the nature of addiction ... and when it comes to things like AA and recovery, they don't get how it can help people and change lives. So while in an ideal world you'd like your husband to be supportive of your recovery, you've just got to keep on doing what you're doing because you won't be able to change your husband's perception if doesn't want it to be changed.

We have no control over other people's choices and behaviours. So all we can do is is focus on ourselves and doing what we can to make ourselves happier, healthier and more fulfilled human beings. And if that eventually means you and your husband are no longer compatible, you'll then have to decide whether your marriage is something you want to keep working at.

Life is short. We only get one shot at it. So if a relationship begins to hinder our growth and development, and becomes nothing but negative, why continue with it? You've found something good and positive in AA, so keep at it. Hopefully your husband will come around, but if he doesn't, don't let that be a reason to doubt yourself.

Best of Luck

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