My Husband is an Alcoholic and Has Drug Dependancy Issues. What Do I Do?

by Christina
(Illinois)

My husband has been struggling with both alcoholism and drug dependency for several years. We have a one year old daughter together and I don't want this to affect her adversely.

Right now he is not living with us due to the fact that he came home very drunk. He was supposed to stay with our daughter while I went to the dentist. However, I told him I would not be leaving our daughter with him and that I had made arrangements with my mother for her to take her.

He went ballistic and grabbed my daughter and refused to give her to me. He did push me a few times and I wound up having to call the police. The judge has issued a no contact order against him. He has court on Friday to determine what is to happen.

He has been struggling with these issues for years and I am tired of dealing with them. He did go to one counseling session, but the counselor had called and canceled his next session and he quit going after that. I just feel like I shouldn't have to put up with this and neither should my daughter.

This week that has just been my daughter and I, has been wonderful. We have been able to stick to her schedule and not worry about him coming home drunk or under some other influence.

I'm thinking I should just say goodbye to him. I do love him, but I don't think I can do this anymore. I want him to get help, but I don't think he wants to get help. The courts are probably going to order an alcohol abuse program, but if he doesn't think he has a problem or want to change will this help? What should I do?

Should I give him yet another chance? I have given him so many now that I've lost count. I'm torn between my love for him and my love myself and my daughter. Any suggestions would be great.

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Answer

Hi Christina

Being in healthy, loving relationship based on mutual-respect is impossible with an alcoholic or drug addict. So if this has been an ongoing thing with your husband, then maybe you should trust the clues the universe have given you, i.e. the peaceful and happy time you've spent alone with your daughter this last period.

Your husband being court ordered to go through some form of alcoholism addiction treatment program is definitely a good thing. But unless he wants to change, such a program is unlikely to have a major impact because successfully overcoming an addiction requires more than just going through treatment.

Achieving lasting sobriety means having to work hard at changing the destructive patterns that lead to addiction. And that's why working a proper addiction recovery program post treatment is so crucial - which if your husband isn't committed to changing he simply won't do - and so the cycle of his addiction will simply start over.

You and your daughter's health, happiness and well-being need to be your priority. So if you feel those will continue not to be properly met, then walking away is something you should seriously consider. No one can tell you what to do, but you need to trust your instincts on this.

It's never easy to walk away from someone we love, but unless your husband commits to totally turning his life around, then don't feel bad about doing what is best for you and your daughter.

Best of Luck and Take Care.

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