My Husband is an Alcoholic and Prescription Drug Addict....I Can't take Anymore...But Am Not In a Position To Leave

by P. L.
(va)

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 7 of those. We have two daughters, 12 and 6. My husband is addicted to alcohol and prescription narcotics. He withdraws several hundreds of dollars a week to pay for these addictions.

He is always criticizing me and the kids and yelling at us for every little thing. We live life "walking on eggshells". It is tough for my oldest daughter, he is always on her for everything she says and does. Yes, she does have a smart mouth (but what 12 year old girl these days does not).

He tells me everyday that he is not going to take anymore money and is quitting, but the next day, the same old. We are so far behind in our house, that we are supposed to make double payments for four months. I am unable to make these payments because he takes out so much money. In the past four months he has taken out over $4000 dollars.

I can not take it anymore!!!! However, I feel I have no other options. My family lives an hour away. I am going back to school to better myself and I have to work. My family would be 2 hours from these places. I can not support my kids on my own and can not afford a place for us to live.

I feel like such a failure. I can't believe that I continue to let my kids grow up in a home like this, but I have no other option. If I were to leave it would devastate my 6 year old ... she loves her daddy so much ...

We can not afford to put my husband into a rehab, his income is what keeps us even floating. I don't know what to do. I know that he loves me and that this problem has nothing to do with me, it is all within him. But it is destroying me.

Life is too short to live the rest of it like this. Please, What do I do??????

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Answer

Don't for a moment think you are helpless and that there is nothing you can do. There are always options, and as the old saying goes, 'where there is a will there is a way.' The insanity of your husband's alcoholism and drug addiction may have you thinking your situation is hopeless, but whatever you do don't succumb to those thoughts.

For the sake of your children, you have to figure out how to provide them with a stable, loving and peaceful environment. Because if you think it will devastate your child to be separated from her dad, what do you think will happen if you lose your home because you can't make your mortgage payments?

Your husband has to want to overcome his alcoholism and drug addiction if he's ever going to recover successfully. So for a start you can try and make him see how serious things are - you guys are on the brink of losing your home if he doesn't do something about his addictions immediately.

And if drug and alcohol rehab is definitely not an option - he can go to NA and AA meetings, find a good sponsor and really work the 12 steps ... because many alcoholics and drugs addicts have successfully turned their life around by working the steps taught at NA and AA. So try and do everything you can to get him to do that.

But ultimately it's up to your husband and there are no guarantees as to whether he will actually make the effort to change. So you need to have a contingency plan because if you don't do anything things will inevitably get worse. Remember you have to do everything you can to make sure your kids are brought up in a stable, healthy and loving environment.

And if that means staying with family while you get on your feet, then so be it. In the short-term it may be extremely difficult and inconvenient - but imagine the long-term consequences of what will happen if your husband's addiction continues unabated and you continue to be part of all its destruction? The effect it will have on you, your kids. The fact that you might lose your home and the impact that will have ...

First prize is for your husband to get sober and turn his life around. And you need to make it clear to him what's at stake if he doesn't. But the potential consequences are too severe to let you and your kids be even further dragged down by the destruction and chaos should his addiction continue.

So enlist the help of your family if need be and make use of other support structures like Al Anon and Naranon, where you can interact with other spouses who are in a similar position to yours, and learn how they are coping.

But don't let yourself be a victim in this. You're not a failure. Yes, things are hard, but by using all the support structures available to you (family, friends, Al Anon, Naranon etc.) - you can get through this.

Good Luck and God Bless

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