My Husband is an Alcoholic and Uses Drugs - Should I Leave Him?

by guadalupe
(san antonio, texas)

He promises he will stop using and drinking. He lies and continues. We own a small company and he is not bringing money home because no one will give him any work.

I have two jobs and work as many as 80 hours a week just to make ends meet. He in turn always has an excuse for everything and because he doesn't have work he drinks cause he is depressed he says?

When he comes home at times he calls me many ugly names, curses and threatens me. He also accused me of having affairs with people at work. That is not a fact. I want to leave. But who will make sure he takes his medicine? He has no one. Only women that think that he has money and want him for that purpose.

And if I do leave he will destroy everything in my house that I worked for, just to be mean. Please help me decide. I have no friends due to his behavior and no one to talk to. I'm alone.

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Answer

Hi Guadalupe

As much as you want to be there for, and help your husband, until he is ready to accept the help and make an effort to change - there is nothing you really can do that will make a difference.

That leaves you with the question - Do you want to start a new life for yourself and try and find meaning and happiness? Or do you want to continue being miserable and frustrated with things as they currently stand?

Because your life and happiness are your responsibility - and like-wise your husband's life and happiness are his responsibility. If he's not prepared to accept that responsibility, that doesn't mean it should prevent you from doing so.

There are three crucial factors you need to understand when dealing with alcoholism or drug addiction in someone you care about:

1) You didn't CAUSE their addiction
2) You can't CONTROL their addiction
3) You can't CURE their addiction

So until your husband is prepared to acknowledge his problem and the extent of his addictions, seek professional help, and commit to turning his life around - your life as it currently is, is destined to simply continue, if not get worse with time. Do you want that for yourself?

As a final resort you could attempt an addiction/alcoholism intervention with the help of an Intervention Specialist to try and get your husband into treatment for his addictions. But in the end, it still depends on your husband wanting to change, so there is no guarantee of success.

I believe we're all entitled to seek happiness, peace and fulfilment from our lives - and if it becomes clear that a marriage/relationship ends up standing in the way of achieving that, then we're better off moving on.

But ultimately it's only a decision you can make and whatever you decide, best of luck to you.

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