My Husband is Using Crack Cocaine

We've been married 5 years, and together for 6. We both have children. I noticed he would leave and go back to his home town, but stay only a week or so. Recently he has been leaving for months.

At this time it appears he is living with his mom and several other people. He actually left to take his biological children back, and was staying with their mother. He has stolen money, work and been fired from jobs, come up with many lies to get money. I know he is much better than this. He's gifted and smart.

Now that he is in another state I'm not sure how to help him. He keeps telling me he will return home. I have even sent money to assist him. So far he hasn't made it back. I don't want him to get the idea that he should stay away, but it seems I have unintentionally supported his habit.

We are both Christians and saved, despite how this looks. I've prayed and cried out to God so much. My heart is aching and need answers as to what to do. This problem is not just his alone. I have insurance and could some how get him into rehab, something.

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Answer

You need to read this piece on alcoholism effects on the family - because all the principles also apply to drug addiction and it will better help you understand what you're dealing with.

The first thing you need to be careful of is not enabling your husband's addiction by sending him money etc. He may promise to use it for good reasons, but it will inevitably just go towards further feeding his drug habit. It's normal to want to help, but as you've come to realise all it unintentionally does is make the problem worse.

You also need to insist that your husband gets proper treatment for his drug addiction by going to rehab. Because if you don't take a stand now and tell him you can no longer tolerate his behavior, your relationship will become more and more toxic until the point where you totally lose yourself as well.

Look, you can't force your husband to change and if he doesn't really want to, whatever you say or do won't make much of a difference. But you can make it clear to him that you will no longer 'support' his addiction and that if he's serious about your marriage and being a good father to his children, he needs to get help.

Do yourself a favour and also get to Naranon, a support group for spouses and family members of a loved one struggling with an addiction. It will help you better understand what your husband is going through and how you can deal with that.

There is no easy or quick fix, but by surrounding yourself with good people (e.g. Naranon) and trying to get your husband the help he needs by starting to hold him accountable for his actions, things will get easier in time and work out as they're meant to.

God Bless and Good Luck

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