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My Husband's Drug Addiction. He's Now Fallen In Love With Someone Else in Early Recovery

by Gabriela
(USA)

My husband is a meth addict in early recovery, while attending court ordered NA meetings, he fell in love with an early recovering (1 week clean) black heroin, married, felon, 21 year old girl - my husband is 42 years old. Togheter we have a 17 year old daugther, the new love of my husband's attention is only 3 years older than my daughter!

My question is this true love? We are currently separated and heading for divorce, and even though I still have feelings for him, I could never take him back after his betrayal. I'm just thinking of my daughter, because even though he was a lousy husband - he is been a great father.

My daughter lives with him for practical reasons and don't want the influence of this type of person (Dad's girlfriend) around her)
Can someone please give me some advise? please!!!.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Hi Gabriela. Unfortunately you can't change or control your husband falling in love with someone else. Whether it's real love or not one just doesn't know, and the only person who can really answer that question is your husband.

Addicts in early recovery are especially vulnerable because they're having to face up to issues of their past and start a new way of life - so there is a lot going on for them emotionally. That's why your husband may feel he shares some kind of connection with this girl, because she may be experiencing similar emotions to his, hence the development of their love affair.

It's not our place to judge what your husband has done, but there is a reason that it's recommended addicts try and stay out of a relationship for the first year of their recovery. Because all it ultimately does is put him at higher risk of relapse, since he doesn't yet have the emotional maturity to deal with being in a new relationship.

So his decision to enter into this relationship goes against everything he will have been taught at rehab, and has to leave one questioning how serious he is about his recovery?

Be that as it may those are things you don't have any control over, and maybe it turns out to be a blessing for you because it forces you to also make a new start. The question is though what impact this will have on your daughter. She's 17 so she's old enough to hopefully be honest with you about how she feels, and the effect this is having on her.

Talk to her and find out what she thinks/feels. If she's unhappy, get her out of there. Your daughter's well-being needs to be your priority, so if that is in any way going to be compromised by continuing to live with your husband, then you'll need to make other arrangements.

All the Best

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My Husband's Drug Addiction. He's Now Fallen In Loe with Someone Else in Early Recovery
by: Anonymous

I am married to an Alcholic/Crack addict. He has been in and out of rehab 3 times over the last 2 yrs. He's currently back in rehab, this time, probably for 6 months, after going on a binge, disappearing for 2 weeks, finding his face on the 6pm and 11pm news as a missing person etc. The prior 3 rehabs he was in, he always seemed to gravitate towards one of the females in the program, one who usually was idiolizing him, thinking he was simply wonderful. Compared to what they were use to seeing on the street, and now seeing my termporarily sober husband, the man I fell in love with, he is wonderful. Due to his huge ego, and the facts that addicts are always looking for that instant gratification - that they are so use too, you have to let the affair play it's way out. The chances of both of them, going into recovery, when they immediately started breaking the rules by getting involved with someone, already states, neither one of them are doing their work. They are just seeking ego boosts and possibly another person who they "think" understands them, can accept their addictions without insult, etc. Let his fling play its way out, it will most likely fizzle away when they are both fighting to be in the #1 seat. Focus on yourself and your daughter, get her out of his house. Again, it all comes back to having an addict accept consequences for their actions, NOT you or your daughter accepting the consequences for his actions. The two of you need to live in the REAL world, and let him live in his fantasy land, it won't last.

Good Luck...

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You're better off without him
by: Sarah

Good riddance and you're better off without him. So don't see what's happened as a bad thing, but a good one so that you can get on with your life and move on. He doesn't deserve you. You've wasted enough of your life on this man, so don't waste another second on him. Your daughter will be fine. Just make sure you communicate with her to make sure she's okay, and if she's uncomfortable, she needs to move out. This is a blessing for you. Trust me. Been there. Good luck with your new life. In fact you'll probably regret this didn't happen sooner.

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