My Partner Has Just Started Drinking After a Year Sober. How Can I Help?

by MP
(UK)

My partner has just started drinking after more than a year sober. We've been having a lot of stress recently and she's been working abroad a lot. We both hate the distance.

I asked her today how she felt about her drinking, she said she 'felt good at the moment'.
I just want to know how best to help. As I mentioned, we are at a distance most of the time, but have a close relationship nonetheless.

We are working on repairing the issues that have come up in our relationship, but I am worried that while she is drinking this won't be possible. I love her and do not want to lose her or our relationship. Any advice or thoughts welcomed.

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Answer

Hi MP

'Feeling good at the moment' is unlikely to stay that way if she continues drinking. Anyone with an alcohol problem will very quickly unravel to the way they were before they quit drinking, and even worse, once they start again.

So you really need to be encouraging her to do everything she can to quit again and stay sober. Stress is a part of life we can't avoid, so she needs to learn how to manage that without alcohol. Because in the long run all alcohol does is make it worse.

You don't say what she did to manage a year of sobriety, but she needs to try and get back to that state of mind that allowed her to achieve that in the first place. And if it means she needs to get professional help, then encourage that, because to beat alcoholism long-term is extremely difficult to do alone.

And you are right in saying that to repair the issues in your relationship will be extremely difficult while she's drinking. So make it clear that if you ever hope to have a successful relationship, its only realistically going to happen with her being sober. Hopefully that realisation will means she gets serious about doing something about her problem.

You should also look into going to Al Anon, which is for loved one's of people with an alcohol problem. Learning how others in your position deal with the problem may also help you in your relationship.

Best of Luck.

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