My Partner of 13 Years is an Alcoholic. I Need Help

by jacqui
(U.K)

My partner suffers with panic attacks and depression, which he self medicates (he calls it) with alcohol. I can not get him to go to the Doctors for help and I am unable to get a doctor to give a home visit, what can I do?

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

If your partner isn't willing to go to the Doctor, then there isn't an awful lot you can do. The premise on which successful recovery from alcoholism and most other illnesses hinges, is that the person has to want to overcome their affliction. So if your partner doesn't want to be helped, you can't force it upon him, because even if you did it wouldn't really work.

Whatever the reason, your partner isn't ready to want to do anything about his alcoholism, depression and panic attacks. Maybe he's still largely in denial. If he knew however that you can't continue with your relationship as it is unless he does get help, that may start to break through his denial and motivate him into doing something.

There are no guarantees your giving him an ultimatum would work, but if he suddenly realises there are serious consequences to him continuing as is (e.g. losing the person he loves), he might be prepared to make more effort to get help.

Unfortunately dealing with addiction and mental disorders in someone we love is complex and there are no quick-fixes. The big thing to remember is you can't control his behaviour. He is entirely responsible for the choices he makes.

But if you start making it clear things can't continue as they are and that unless he gets help things will have to change, his current resistance may be broken and pave the way for treatment/change.

There's obviously a lot more to all this that space constraints don't allow us to go into, so if you want more detailed info around how best to help your partner - consider getting yourself, Help Me! I'm in Love With An Addict/Alcoholic. You'll find far more detail about what can do in there.

Best of Luck

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