My Sister's a Drug Addict. My Mom Thinks Everyone Should Do Whatever My Sister Wants ...

by Peacemaker
(austin.mn)

My sister is 27 years old and has been doing drugs since she was 11. I am the oldest of four, and it has been my job to care for her. She has three children 2, 4, and 6 who have been in many drug raids, car chases, been around guns and really bad people.

My sister has been kicked out of many places because of her life style. Human Services have been called many times, but our Mom works with CPS department. I am no angel - I was into the drugs too. Off and on I have been sober for two and half years now along with my boyfriend.

We have four children together and want to stay sober, but its really been hard especially with my Mom yelling at me because I don't want to spend time with my sister and her friends.

I also don't want my children to spend the night at my sister's and my Mom doesn't understand why. When I tell her its because of the drugs she yells at me and tells me I am being mean ... that I used them too. And that I am hurting the family by not hanging out with my sister.

My sister only wants me around when I am doing drugs, watching her kids (which she will leave for days) or giving her money. How do I get my Mom to respect me?

---

---

Answer

Hi Peacemaker

I think in your case, you're placing far too much value on gaining respect from your Mom - when doing everything she wants you to do would potentially create far more long term damage to you and your children.

You need to first gain enough self-respect so that you are prepared to stand up to your Mom and be clear with her as to what boundaries you've put in place with your sister - because your sisters drug using lifestyle is not something you want to be associated with any longer. How is not wanting your kids to stay over at your sister's place unreasonable considering the potential danger it puts them in?

Understand that we can't always please everyone, especially family. You have your own children to put first now - and if your Mom can't see that doesn't make it your fault or put you at wrong.

Your sister has to take responsibility for her own life now - her life is not your responsibility anymore. Your responsibility is being the best possible Mother you can, doing what is best for your kids and finding your own happiness.

All your mother is doing by being so over-protective of your sister and allowing her to get away with whatever she wants - is enabling her addiction and providing an 'ideal' environment for her to continue using drugs. It's the worst possible thing to be doing for someone struggling with drug addiction.

So the best thing for you to do is stop worrying about gaining your mother's respect when what she expects from you is being totally unreasonable. Tell her you'll be there for your sister if she's prepared to get help and commits to turning her life around - but until that point your sister needs to start experiencing the full consequences of her drug using and not being enabled as is currently the case.

Be strong and try not to let your mother's opinion effect you so much. You've done well to turn your own life around and that's what matters.

Good Luck

+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com