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My Son is a Drug Addict. We've Done All We Can To Help. What's Left?

by Annie
(NC)

My drug addicted son has lost his whole family - wife and kids. He has no job, been to jail (probably going back), or is going to take his life - if someone else doesn't.

We have had him in two rehabs - one said he's not an addict and the other send him home with a script with vicodin. We have just kicked him out for the 2nd time in front of his 8 year-old daughter because he couldn't go by two rules - no confrontations and don't come in high.

We are at our end. He is 29, what else is there to do besides worry about where he will sleep now and whether we'll get a call that it's over?

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Hi Annie

Unfortunately once you've done everything you can to try and facilitate your son getting help and turning his life around from drug addiction - eventually you have to let go and make peace with the fact that unless he wants it for himself and is prepared to work hard at achieving it, there is nothing further you can do.

Drug addicts have to want to change - because unless they do, they won't be prepared to put in the work entailed that living a life of recovery from addiction entails. Because there are no short-cuts and quick-fixes.

Those that recover do so because they've made the commitment to change and put in the effort to do so - and those that don't continue the insanity that accompanies a life of addiction, often paying the ultimate prices, i.e. with their lives.

And you can't control which way it will go for your son. It's up to him. So somehow you need to make peace with the fact that things will turn out for your son as they're meant to and that it's up to him if he's ever going to beat his addiction.

Take Care

Comments for My Son is a Drug Addict. We've Done All We Can To Help. What's Left?

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my son has a substance abuse problem
by: Anonymous

my son started to take drugs when he was 17 and today at the age of 39 he is still using. He has a 3 year old son that he has visiting rights to every 2nd week for 7 days and I worry very much for this child safety. His ex-girl friend the baby mother tried to have the baby taken away from him and checked for drugs when he did have the baby but his lawyer had it fixed that she had no cause or proof that he was using drugs or booze. There are laws for these people anyway 2 weeks ago I lost it he told me that he needed money for his lawyer, apt., telephone, cable, clothes, food adding up to closed to 5000$ I said your father gave you 3000$ 2 weeks before for everything because he has not worked for 2 month because he was depressed so everything was in the rears. Honestly I am sick because I lost it and send him a nasty e-mail and Yes! very hurtful after I cried and ask myself why did I have to send that e-mail what kind of a mother could hurt her child by saying mean things but I think I was hoping if I chocked him enough he would go for treatment to make this problem go away but the only thing that went away was my beautiful son. He send me back an e-mail telling me that I was the worst mother in the world and I feel that I am for being so mean to someone that needs me his mother that gave him birth. This is killing all of my family. He tried to beat up his father, he tells his father that he is a bum and that he is a loser. My son is very mean and hates everyone and everything he is so hurtful, so unhappy. We know that if he won a lottery he would be dead in less than a year. So I really don't know what to do I called all kind of doctors, someone for him to see to talk to. I paid many 100$ for an hour and he never showed up for the Appointment he said he doesn't need a doctor that nothing is wrong with him we are the one that need a doctor and the reason he is like that is because of us . Please pray for all of us and I hope that god will help all of us that is hurting for a child that is lost in drugs, so can come back home to the ones they love and please god forgive for the e-mail that no mother should have sent to her child, no matter how bad it is.

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Im there
by: Anonymous

My son is 23 and has been a drug addict for 4 years. We have put him in 3 drug treatment programs which totaled 50 thousand dollars. Wow we have the money and were willing to do anything to help him. He was great for 3 months then relapsed and we brought him home. I said sober living cost 1500 per month, I will do that and took him to meetings, drove him to Dr appts, looking for jobs. Today I was taking him to an NA meeting and his eyes were dilated, he was slurring, and was extremely tired. Wow, I could tell he was on drugs but test is Neg-Boy are they smart? I purchased multiple tests online and drug addicts know how to fool those tests. Bummer a lot of time, money, family despair and all for nothing. Very sad!!! Kim

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prayers needed
by: Anonymous

Im reading these comments and it helps me so much-My son has been on heroin for about 4years now. It has been hell. I recently got guardianship of my two grandbbs. His girlfriend and mother of the kids is also now on drugs. They have been living on the streets because I have boundaries and this drug problem has caused so much pain within my family. My grandkids were being dragged around like rag dolls to do their dirt and make money for their habit.
most nights i cant sleep-but dealing with cps and realizing there are so many grandparents in my boat. I feel that there should be a system in tact for grandparents who take grandchildren. I did my own court paperwork for guardianship. I need childcare and was told I would get help with that and housing being I need to relocate.
I also got my grandbbs at the hardest time at work. I am so slow at at work and nedd help.

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A Dad with addict son
by: Derek

Hello my name is Derek, I am a father of a drug addicted son. As I read all the post I see there is alot of mothers posting their feelings, as I know mothers have a special bond with their children, well I can feel are your pain as I am going through the same with my son. My son is 28 years old which makes him an adult but it doesnt make it ant easier knowing this drug has taken him away from me. I cannot function during the day and cannot wondering what I can do to fix this. He has stolen from me, lied to me and so much more but I still love him and want him back. I run a family business that could be his one day but he continues to smoke heroin miss work and dissappear for days at a time. Where did I go wrong?

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Two addicted children
by: jor

Ihave 4 children. Three biological and one adopted. The three biological children suffer from depression, (which we did not realize until my eldest son committed suicide) The two boys went the drug route, my daughter did not take drugs, my adopted child is fine. The talk about us enabling is hard to hear because we did not enable our first child that got into drugs. He left home at 17 because we said, nicely, you can't live here and do drugs. There were two younger boys in the house. We had to protect them. We though he would choose home and family. He did not and 3 years ago, he shot himself. My youngest child has been doing drugs for 5 years. We went the rehab route, counselor......psychiatrist, hospital..everything you can think of. How do you tell you child he needs to choose drugs or family, when your first child with this problem chose death? We cannot go that route again. I cannot go that route again. However, I cannot live like this anymore either. I am stuck in a hell that I cannot get out of. As a side bar, when people tell me to pray, I want to tell them to go to hell. God abandoned us 10 years ago, why would anything change. I am distraught.

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Broken Heart
by: Anonymous

Breaking hearts....
These posts are what it sounds like.
I'm struggling with my 18 year olds sons drug and alcohol addiction. I hardly get any sleep anymore and the less sleep I get the more this seems like an unsolvable problem. I am sorry anyone suffers this..to all.

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My daughter is addicted to cocaine
by: Anonymous

I found out my 23 year old daughter has been using cocaine. I have tried to help her along with my oldest daughter, we have took her to cocaine meetings, tried keeping her indoors, kept all her money so she can not buy the drug, she has stolen thousands of pounds from me, at Christmas.she stole my oldest daughter,s Christmas present to buy drugs. I have now had enough as she went out last night and had not been home all day, her phone is switched off, I am going to tell her to leave as it is affecting my relationship with my other daughter. I love my daughter but cannot take anymore

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My son hurts my heart !
by: sandra

My son is on drugs, he is 36 years old and has 3 children. I pray for him every day and night and hope one day God hears my prayer. I am tired of getting phone calls saying come and get your son. This is my oldest son I tried to give him everything a poor black child could have. I worked and sent him to the best of schools, and he had clothes and many other things. He choose to smoke drugs and blame everyone for his short comings. I lost my baby boy to suscide because of drugs, and now I must be at peace for what may come. I am a hurt mother.

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ive lost my son to drugs
by: Anonymous

my son also has destroyed his life to herion, he has been smoking it ,off and on for 19 yrs.my family has been torn apart about all this,i could write a book about the yrs of misery it has caused, we all love him, but hate him at the same time. we took him to rehab 9 days ago, but he left last night,we dont know if he is walking the streets again today.

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My Son Is A Drug Addict
by: Anonymous

My Heart goes out to all of you good people.Our son is also a drug addict who is addicted to cocaine.He now Lives for a fix.We have paid thousands of pounds to keep the dealers from killing him.We can't sleep for people coming to our door.He has had help,been in rehab, has been in jail,has lost his daughter.What can we do now?Where can we turn to next? We have no more money to give.We are waiting for the day when the police come to tell us he's dead.
I just hope someone can help give us advice.
We are in a desperate situation.

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my brother is a drug addict
by: annie

dear nilsa, i am so sorry you and your family are going through this. it is a horrible problem and the whole family suffers not just the addict. he doesn't see this. his reality is not the same as yours and your family. you have to realize this. someone must be supporting him or keeping a roof over his head and feeding him, so that someone has to take control and make choices that will help him even if he doesn't like it. he hopefully will someday see why. you have to get this someone to make tuff decisions even if it is against your moms wishes. she has to help him not enable him. he needs to be out on his own or in the streets supporting himself. if he can't then maybe he will hit rock bottom and get help. maybe his wife or mom could make him go to rehab, or make the decision for him. it can be done, just ask for help through your local detox or rehab hospitals. just remember he is not going to like it or maybe he will go and it want help. it is very hard for a addict to see his way through, but it can be done. just remember you or your family didn't make the choices he has made for himself. he did it. you and your family are not the cause or the problem. you have to remember this. don't let him take you and your whole family down. it will happen if you don't stand your ground and be strong. i know it hurts, really bad, but you have to be tuff. keep talking to people and get your mom too also, it helps to hear other people and know you guys are not alone. this is a big problem and to many people let it destroy the whole family. stay strong for you mom and sister and neices and nephews, they are going to need you. you have already started the process by asking for help. keep your head up. keep in touch. god bless, i will pray for all of you.

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my brother is a drug addict
by: nilsa

i dont know what too do with my life ,my brother is 23 years old hes a drug addited im tierd of waking up every morning seeing my mother crying and suffering for her son we tried to help him but he dosent want too my mother is a diabetic person and i dont want my mother to died seeing my brother in does condition he has a 6 month old daugther and 2 sister a mother and a wife he has love in his life and i dont know how can i hep him we try too put him on rehab but he dosent want to all he does is use drugs dont eat dont hardly sleep always askin for money and dont care about anything i love my brother and i would love too help him but i dont know how im prayin too god so he can get himself clean and be with family that loves him

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my son
by: Anonymous

THANKYOU ANONYMOUS, IT ALWAYS HELPS TO LISTEN TO OTHERS THAT SHARE THE SAME THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR HURT, IT WILL GET EASIER AS TIME GOES ON BUT. LET ME REPHRASE THAT, YOU WILL HAVE BETTER DAYS AS TIME GOES ON, BUT THE DEEP PAIN WILL NEVER LEAVE AND YOU WILL, START TO FEEL HAPPY AGAIN, BUT THE DEEP PAIN WILL BE THERE FOREVER I AM AFRAID. I WAS JUST THINKING TODAY IF HE WERE TO ASK WHAT I WANTED FROM HIM, I WOULD SAY JUST GET OFF OF DRUGS AND START YOU LIFE AGAIN. THATS ALL I WOULD WANT. THEN I THOUGHT WILL I SEE HIM IN HEAVEN, WHAT WILL HE BE LIKE THERE. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT BY THEN HE WILL ATLEAST ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND COME TO THE LORD, I REALLY HOPE TO SEE MY REAL SON AGAIN SOME DAY.

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Sorry for you
by: Anonymous

It is like a death, the child I had is no longer there.. my 'son' has become a victim of his own actions..... if he had actually died I would be given sympathy and shoulders to cry on... now I feel im looked upon as a bad parent with a Son who is in and out of prison due to his addiction. I daily mourn my beautiful boy, I have 4 other children that are good, kind, honest, nice decent members of society......He was a lovely child, my Dad and my Husbands Dads favourite due to him being smiley, always cheerful, and always off with them to help with whatever they were doing...... where did he go??...The last time he was arrested I said to my Husband I will never be happy again.. and ive not been..... I do try to be there for the others but its so incredibly hard......Drugs are killing our children, and destroying families ...

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MY DRUG ADDICTED SON
by: ANNIE

SHARON MY HEART ALSO GOES OUT TO YOU. WHAT CAN WE DO? PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND UNTIL THEY STAND IN YOUR SHOES. MY SON CAME HOME FOR A WHILE AND STAYED STRAIGHT TILL HIS GIRLFRIEND GOT OUT OF JAIL. THEN WENT RIGHT BACK TO BEING STRUNG OUT. WE HAD ANOTHER CONFRONTATION, BECAUSE HE WAS NOT TO COME HOME AROUND HIS CHILD MESSED UP. LUCKILY SHE WAS NOT HERE. I JUST HAD SHOULDER SURGERY AND HAD TO LOOK INTO MY SONS BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES AS HE WAS SCREAMING I HATE YOU. THEY WERE SO BEAUTIFUL AND ALL I COULD SEE WAS A BLUE MIRROR. I COULD ALMOST SAY I WAS LOOKING AT A HOLLOW SHELL, HE WAS NOT IN THERE AT ALL. IT WAS NOT HIM. IT WAS THE STRANGEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. AGAIN I AM CRUSHED MY HEART IS SO LOW, I HAVE GIVEN UP ON HIM EVER COMING BACK TO THAT BODY, I WILL JUST SIT AND WAIT THE SAME AS YOU. WE DID THE BEST WE COULD FOR OUR SON'S AND NOW IT IS UP TO THEM. I CAN'T HURT ANYMORE I HAVE TO RAISE HIS CHILD AND BE STRONG FOR HER. I HOPE YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE STRONG, LIFE IS SHORT, AND OUR SECOND CHANCES ARE ABOUT OVER, SO MAYBE THEY WILL REALIZE SOONER THAN LATER THAT THEIRS COULD BE TO. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR SON.

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My Heart is Broken for You
by: Sharon

Reading your story and the answer you were given just broke my heart. My son, 18 years old, has destroyed anything good in his life, he has befriended a boy that he now refers to as his brother, which togeather they do drugs and alcohol. He has left home to make a new life for himself, a more fun filled life. It is hard for me to accept that there is nothing anyone can do, except the individual that is consumed with this poison. There is no longer any common sense, this person feels no self worth, no hope for their life, just getting high, how can this individual be responsible for themselves. Like you, I have been told that you have to learn to accept this fate for your child. I cannot accept that, my heart is breaking, but yet I am told basically suck it up and accept it and learn to move on. Your story made me cry, reading about so much hopelessness. It makes me feel that the only thing I can do is tell my son, I love him, pack up his room in containers, close his door and pray I do not get a call about his self destruction. My heart hurts for all the families that have to endure this kind of pain.

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