Oxycontin Addiction: A Horror/Drama

by Kevin Xen
(Oakland, CA)

I recently broke up with girlfriend of 5 months. I know it was short but, it's different. My ex has been "freebasing" 80 mg Oxycontin pills for about 2 years. She is going through a divorce and her ex-husband is an addict as well.

I don't care so much for getting our relationship back but more an attempt at restoring her dignity. Since we started dating she was using one pill a day that was all. Now, she is using as much as she can get.

She has a 3 year old daughter and doesn't seem to care as much as she should. She lives with her parents and they don't know about her addiction. That is my burden, that I know she is an addict when nobody else does. My question is do I tell her family and attempt a formal intervention?

I have talked to her about quitting and wrote a letter to her as a informal intervention. I still love and care for her and she is spending 80% of her day hanging out with drug dealers. We fought a lot because I knew she had to be cheating. How do you get a $60 pill for free? She claims she has "friends" that would help her if she is sick(whatever that means).

I don't know if I should allow her to find help on her own or what? I just don't want to turn her life upside down and deal with the fallout(CPS, getting kicked out, etc.). I can see her spiraling and she recently smoked heroin for the first time and "didn't like it." She is heading down an extremely destructive path and we recently stopped talking and I can't live with myself knowing that if she died I could have prevented it.

Any advice on my questions would be helpful. Also, whenever I asked if she cheated she said she never would. Is that a lie? Do woman have sex for drugs? She shows signs occasionally wanting to quite(usually when she's high).

Answer

Your ex-girlfriend's addiction is a perfect illustration of the insanity of addiction at work - the destruction it causes in her relationships, her ability as a parent and potentially even having sex to obtain drugs (yes that does happen, but we don't know for sure if that is the case with her). The bottom line is though things are heading down a path that could have devastating consequences.

You've asked the critical question yourself - would you be able to live with yourself if something happened and you did nothing? The fact is, you can't control what she ultimately does, she has to take full responsibility for her choices and the path she has chosen. But you can at least make an effort - and in doing so if she still chooses to continue on her path, you will know you've done everything you can.

So in your case, arranging a a formal intervention and getting her family involved seems like the right thing to do. Your intentions seem good and you realise that if nothing is done so, things could end very badly, even tragically. So if there is a point to be doing an intervention, it would be now.

What happens from there though is out of your control. An addict needs to get to the point where they want to help themselves. Arranging an intervention and getting your ex into treatment will hopefully lead to that, but there are no guarantees. As loved one's and people that care about someone suffering from an addiction, there are 3 principles that are critical to remember: We didn't Cause their addiction, We can't Control their addiction and We can't Cure their addiction.

Do what you can to get her help - but do call in the professionals to make sure you do it in the best way possible. You don't get second chances with an intervention so it's critical it's prepared for and done properly.

And from there you can only hope it leads to her realising she has to change. But ultimately all our paths through life unfold as they're meant to and you'll have to trust hers will too, irrespective of what you do.

Good Luck and God Bless

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