Step Sons Addiction Ruining His Father and My Marriage

by Marilyn
(oklahoma)

We have been married for 10 years, and for about 8 maybe 9, my stepson has controlled our lives, he is now 28 years old. He has had dui, multiple drug charges, can't keep a job, and is the greatest at getting his parents and me once upon a time to give him money.

He goes from house to house to house. He manipulates and controls everything, More money has been spent on this kid, Or I should say "Man" cell phones, minutes for it, food rent, cars, radios, fines lawyer fees, I have sacraficed about 5 anniversaries that my husband has had to cancel so he could help with him, On and On.

Everytime he cons them into believing he's better. My husband will take his son's word over mine. My husband left him at our house one day. I went into our garage and there were his needles and drugs where he shot up and he was on the floor in the living room. Called dad he came home, and he actually wanted him to stay with us again.

I wasn't going to be left with this at my house. They don't have the money to put him in rehab, don't think he would go. Now, he is on a new kick he wants to get baptised, Believe me, this came after his mother kicked him out and he had no where to go. Except here of course ... Dad buys him a new cell phone, and everything is rosey.

Please forgive me if you think I know if his claim to want to be baptized is real. He has already put it off a week, and today I saw him high. I'm a christian and feel that I'm betraying my husband if I raise another stink about this stuff. I see it on the wall. It's crazy and my husband is now hiding the fact he is giving him money and phones etc.

Where can I get help before I leave my marriage over my 28 year old step son who controls every aspect of our lives? And my husband thinks I'm asking him to choose ...

Answer

Hi Marilyn

Drugs addicts, as witnessed in your step son's behavior, are classic manipulators and will do anything and everything to protect their addiction, as your step son is so cleverly doing in manipulating your husband.

The problem this creates - because your step son is constantly being bailed out by being provided money, a place to stay, and practially whatever he asks for by the sounds of it - all your husband is doing, is actually enabling his behavior because he never has to experience the severe consequences and harsh reality of his drug using. Daddy is always there to provide.

So until your husband sees the light and begins to toughen his approach, your step-son will simply continue as is and milk the situation for all its worth. And unfortunately all this does is perpetuates his cycle of addiction because he knows your husband will always be there to fall back on.

I suggest you take your husband to see someone like an Addictions Counselor who will be able to explain this all to him, and hopefully make him realise that until he toughens his approach and stops enabling your step-sons behavior, your step-son will continue his life of addiction because there is basically no motivation for him to quit.

Addicts usually come around and realise they need help when things get really bad for them and they've reached rock bottom - something your step-son is unlikely to ever reach with Dad supporting him. If Dad cuts off the supplies, your step-son will quickly start to realise how harsh and tough a life of addiction really is, and that's your best chance of him ever getting to the point where he's ready to turn his life around.

So try and get a third party expert in to explain this to your husband, and in doing so it may help him realise that a tough love approach is actually the best way to ultimately save his son from a life of addiction.

God Bless and Good Luck

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