Ten Years Clean From Active Addiction, But My Family Has Thrown Me Away..

by Marie
(Southcarolina)

My Mother was an addict, she abandoned my sister and I. I'm 44, have been clean for over 10 years, I smoked pot, drank a little,experimented ...
I never was that close to my sister or other family members. Except while growing up. I was raised by my grandmothers.

I have not had a Christmas or birthday card from any family in 20+ years. My cousin has called on me for money, I gave it to her,but otherwise she shows me no attention.

In my active addiction, as well as abandonment issues, I have hurt my family.( I got drunk once at a reunion acted stupid. I loved my Mother so much that I was a horrible spoiled child,just wanting my Mother to love me.

I was given my great grandmothers house when she died ... They have been mad about that. I have pin pointed every fault of mine, said I was sorry.
I have asked forgiveness from them, begged to be loved by them, pleaded for some sort of response from anyone of them, to confirm that they love me. No one responds, it hurts me terribly.

My Mom and Dad are dead. I have lived in another state for 20 years, they don't know me. When my great gm and grandmother died, no one hugged me or showed any concern for me, they let me sit all by myself on the pew,knowing that my great grandmother was all I had in this world. No one said they were worried about me or cared. I am very disturbed by these issues. What should I do?

Answer

Hi Marie

It's terrible to feel unloved and unwanted by your family. But if that's how they treat you, try and not let it get to you so much. Because ultimately the most important person in the world you need to receive love from ... is yourself.

Learn to love yourself, and everything else will fall into place. You can't control how your family choose to treat or respond to you. And if they want to show that little care or affection towards you, then maybe you're better off without having them as part of your life anyway.

But by learning to love yourself and heal the wounds you've carried with you all these years, you'll start attracting and drawing new people into your life who do appreciate you and care about you. It may mean that you need to start going for some therapy and doing real transformational work on letting go and healing old wounds, but in doing so you'll be able to re-invent yourself and start afresh.

So rather than seek love from those who you are unlikely to get it from, change your focus and concentrate on you - and start working at finding your own happiness and peace of mind. In doing so everything else will start falling into place. Get professional help if need be, join some personal development classes, start doing things you love ... and try to stop worrying about the rest of your family. You deserve better than that so focus instead of what you can change and control, i.e. you.

It won't be easy, but in the long run, I promise you it will be worth it. Good Luck and God Bless

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