The Story of My Drug Addiction: The Pill Head

by Thea M
(kings mountain, n.c.)

I started using about 10 years ago. First pot, then xanax and crack. I have lost so much because of the drugs - my children, my self. It all started when I left my husband to be with a guy I had had a child with. He did not mind me getting high once in a while.

So once in a while would turn into days which would turn into weeks. I would do anything and everything to get pills, crack or whatever I was doing that day. Most of the time it was both. I would disappear for days not caring about the people who loved me and my kids who would beg me to stop.

There were times my youngest would sit up with me all night just to make sure I wasn't going to die. She moved out last year because of it - that was the worst pain I have ever felt. Being all alone then I learned her father had been molesting her throughout the years.

I blame myself because I wasn't there - I was too busy out getting high. My rock bottom was right after that when I tried meth. I only was on meth for a week - that was all it took for me to go down to 85 pounds. We broke into someone's house that I knew to get more that week. The last day I finally called my mom to come get me.

When I sobered up and went to the bathroom to take a bath and looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn't believe what I looked like. I spent the next few weeks getting better and gaining some weight back. When one day me and the neighbour went and got some pain pills then some xanax.

By this time I had 2 dwi's but still had my license. I stole my mom's brand new car that night and 20 dollars to go to the crack house. I rolled the car on the inter-state that night and called a friend who came to the scene. The cops let me go so I went and got my car, then a few hours later went into a ditch.

People tried to get me out until the cops showed up and ran my name in to find out I had warrants on me for breaking and entering. Needless to say I went to jail that day and spent 2 and a half months there. Every one said leave me there so I could learn my lesson. I gained almost 30 pounds in there and when I finally got to get out of there, I went back to my mom's where I stayed for a while until I moved out.

I have started a new life which is so hard when you can't let go of the past. Out of my 3 girls only one of them has anything to do with me now. It's painful to deal with. I have messed up a couple times with the pills. But I'm trying. I have this great man who takes very good care of me. But if you are reading this you know what being an addict is all about.

Drugs are on my mind all the time - I even dream of them. I will never be all the way clean or get past the pain of the past. There will always be a pill here or there with my name on it even though I know I have to try to stay clean. Every day that passes I try to make it a good day. It's just that I have hurt so many people including myself, so it's hard to move forward. Thanks for reading my story.