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What To Do With an Alcoholic Son?

by Bret
(Jacksonville, NC)

My son went in the Navy in 2007. He recently got out after 4 years of a 5 year term. He went to alcohol treatment twice, including a 30 day treatment program at a very reputable treatment facility in FL. The very weekend he got out he got drunk. As a result, he got kicked out of the Navy and came home.

We told him he could live with us provided he stay sober and get help. He's been home since April (4 months) and just about every 30 days, he binges or gets drunk. He recently got a DUI and totaled his car. We kicked him out of the house and he went to a friend of his house and went on a huge bender.

When I found him and brought him home, 2 days later the person he was staying with killed his girlfriend. Caught up in everything, we brought our son home again hoping for the best. Since, he has gotten drunk several times. He actually went about 40 days at one point without drinking, but we went away overnight (1 night) and again, he got drunk.

We have tried to help, we have threatened to kick him out again, we have tried just about everything. How do you follow through with kicking your son out of the house for continuing to backslide and getting drunk? Do we kick him out? He has nothing, and we don't know what to do?

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

You're going to have to accept that until your son is totally ready to commit to a life of sobriety, he's simply going to continue doing what he's doing. And the best/fastest way you can help him reach that point is to stop enabling and start holding him accountable for his drinking.

That means if you create a consequence - you have to follow through. Don't create a boundary, i.e. he has to stay sober if he wants to live at home, and then don't follow through on it if it's crossed. Because that sends out the wrong message.

Your son needs to be clear on what the boundaries are, and what the consequences will be for crossing them - and he has to know that you'll follow through, no matter what.

So its about time that you give your son the choice ... stay sober, or find somewhere else to live. Make it clear that you love him, but that he needs to take responsibility for his alcoholism and overcoming it. It takes work, effort and commitment ... and no one can do it for your son, but himself.

That's why there can be no more excuses and 2nd chances. Show your son you're serious, and hopefully if the consequences of his drinking become unpleasant enough, he'll realise its time to commit to a life of sobriety.

P.S. It really is hard having to deal with your son's alcoholism especially considering what he's been through. So to make it that bit easier I've penned a book called Help! My Child Is An Addict that every parent in your position should have, because it covers the A-Z of what you need to be doing to not only help your son, but ensure you stay sane through all this. So please take a look by Going Here

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A Mother's Love NEW
by: Anonymous

There is not really nothing you can do. I have tried everything. I've taken him to counslors. I have taken him to rehab'send him
to AA meetings, tried to understand him, taken him to church, prayed for him, put him out of the house, try to put him Salvation Army but I know nothing will help him till he is ready. I have even had family members watch him but somehow somewhere he still gets drunk. It saddens me to say that I will really have to put him out for good and the family will have to cut themselves from him before he really changes. I will probably have to take custody of his daughter. I know right now nothing matters to him but his bottle of beer. His health, his family, his daughter mean nothing to him right now, I feel like he has a demon in him but it is not him that Satan wants to pull down it is me. I know eventually he will die of cyrosis of the liver and I feel that maybe then he will be at peace. He really was and is a good kid or man but this acholism has controlled him so much he is at a constant struggle and he doesn't know how to pull him self himself up. Please pray for him for peace and please pray for me for strength to survive these trials and tribulations.

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help NEW
by: dee

i have asked him to move out and he wont, he has
been abusive to me I am 77 years old and don't know what to do. he has had duis and has a breatherlizer, which has been extended twice, when he doesn't drink which is seldom he is nice. but I cannot take it any more, ive told his father and he just says theres nothing he can do

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Doing and saying are two different things!
by: Anonymous

our son is an alcoholic, our daughter uses drugs. Sign of the times, I think. All of the advice I have seen and read always focuses on enabling... etc. This tough love idea is an illusion. This is possible from a counselor's position, but it is not possible from the position of a parent. For rich people or people with unlimited resources, it is easy, these people can afford to get their son or daughter into a pleasant rehab; for ordinary people, the pain of it all is too overwhelming. People allow their alcoholic son or drug using daughter to stay in their home because they do not want them in the street; they want them safe... and home is safe. You don't throw people you love out of your life because they are addicts, and call it tough love! If you son or daughter become disabled with a horrible disease, you don't throw them out of your life; you try to help them. Being an alcoholic or drug addict is not a choice - Instead, you must rely on Jehovah God to see you through.

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