What To Do?

by Tom

My name is Tom. I have been married to my wife for 17 years. We have 3 children. For the last 3 years my wife has drank wine every night. She starts about 3pm if she can and goes until about 8pm.

I work at night so I'm not around. She is very small, just under 100lbs. She fully meets all of her daytime responsibilities. However, I'm very concerned where this drinking is going to end up.

For many reasons, some of which are my fault, yesterday she told me she felt the relationship had run its course and wanted a divorce. Her father was an alcoholic and started drinking every day at 10.00am.

I'm worried for her and mostly my children. For the first time in my life I just do not know what to do.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Tom, before anything can change, your wife needs to address her drinking problem. Because her drinking is effecting her state of mind and emotional well-being from which making clear, rational, well-thought out decisions is impossible.

So you need to encourage her to get professional help as a starting point. For the sake of her own well-being and obviously for the children, because her drinking will no doubt be impacting them a great deal.

She's probably also depressed which is effecting how she feels about your marriage, and a good treatment program can also help her address that. Here's a link that has a number of resources that will help you find a good rehab facility.

That's not to say there aren't problems or you should belittle what she's feeling, but explain to her that you will both be in a far better position to address whatever problems there are in your marriage once she's gotten help and is in a better place mentally and emotionally.

I also suggest you get a copy of Help Me! I'm In Love With An Addict which was written especially for someone like you in mind who is dealing with a spouse who struggles with alcoholism or addiction.

Because it covers not only what you can do to try and help your wife, but also ensure your own sanity and sense of perspective is maintained because many spouses in your position end up losing that by blaming themselves, feeling guilty and further enabling the addictive behavior.

Hopefully your wife is open to getting treatment. Just be clear it's not for you, but for herself and the kids that she'd be doing it for. And once that's been addressed you can both better focus on the issues in your marriage and decide on the future of your relationship.

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