Why Can't I Let Go!? My Husband and His Alcoholism is Driving Me Crazy

I can not let go, I continue to enable even when I know I am enabling!!! Last of three children is in her senior year at high school ... and I don't want to ruin it for her. Husband is active alcoholic and functions just enough.

Finances are very unstable and afraid I cannot make it own my own. Have two in college as well. I am so miserable and stressed. I have a sponsor and am active in Alanon. Have come a long way in my recovery, but continue to allow him to control and manipulate me.

I am unable to sleep and concentrate, always trying to think of a solution. I pray to GOD for help! I work very hard to make ends meet and try to be open minded. What do I do!

In the morning he seems fine and by evening he is a whole different person - obstinate, aggravated with everything from work to politics. Takes everything the wrong way. If we have plans I never know what kind of shape he will be in and then he buffalos me into going and I regret it! Why does he have this power over me?

Answer

You can't let go because you choose not to. He has that kind of power over you because you give it to him.

It sounds harsh, but no one can have any power over us unless we give it to them. It may not be a conscious choice, but subconsciously for whatever reason (fear? insecurity? low self esteem?) you let this pattern play out.

So you've rationalised that you can't do anything because of 'finances', 'kids in college' etc. Keep working Al Anon but also consider some therapy to uncover and address the root cause of this - so that you can start empowering yourself to take positive action.

Your life is totally your responsibility and if you aren't happy with things as they are - it's up to you to to make changes. And then it's about taking baby steps and trusting that if you make positive changes, one small step at a time, everything will work out for the best in the end.

You have the power to change and find happiness. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Your husband is the lesson God has sent you to learn how to do that. You can't change him but you can change YOU.

God Bless.

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