Why Do I Feel So Guilty and Sad?

by Carolyn
(Ga)

Please give me some insight. My husband is an alcoholic and I have been married to him for 26 years. I don't know what to do????

I keep allowing him to drink and be irresponsible? He drinks beer every day and acts like he does not. I find cans tucked here there and all in his van?

He has no drivers license but drives. No electrical license but does electrical work? Hates work and hates having to pay bills. But wants me to handle daily thing plus have dinner ready and satisfy him in bed?. I feel totally abused.

Drinks and implies he is deprived monetarily, physically and will say things like when was the last time we went to beach or motel? Totally crazy! When he had opportunity never wanted to go.

I am losing my mind ... my daughter I have living at home and is 24 - wants to be taken care of like a teen. I Still pay for car ,insurance, phone, live in my home for free. And she hates me - complains no food and is a hell hole to live in.

When I say sorry if you don't like move ... says I am terrible parent. I hate myself!!! Everyone is after me!!! I need help. ... I pray to God all day and night but feel like I am going crazy!

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

The first thing you need to do is get your self-respect back and stop letting your husband and daughter walk all over you. You're not their slave and nanny!

It's time to get your life back, and stop living your life to please/take care of them. You deserve better. No one deserves to be treated the way you are. Your husband isn't suddenly going to change. Alcoholics only change because they want to, so there is nothing you can say or do that will make him want to.

And your doing everything just further enables him because he doesn't have to experience any of the consequences for the choices he makes. You've made drinking easy for him - because he can just live off you.

So it's time you re-evaluate your marriage and make a fresh start. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you badly and shows you so little respect in any event? Move on.

And as for your daughter - it's time you also force her to jump off the gravy train and have her start taking care of herself. She's not a child anymore. It's time she finds her own place to live and starts supporting herself.

The fact that you've let this continue for so long may mean you need to get some professional help to address the reasons why. Co-dependency is common among spouses of alcoholics so things like therapy and groups like CoDA(coda.org) will help you.

You may also want to get yourself Help I'm In Love With An Addict: How To Survive A Relationship With An Alcoholic or Addict to address some of these points in more detail. But you need to decide 'enough is enough' and make the decision you're no longer going to let yourself be treated this way.

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