Why Does a Recovering Drug Addict Push Away The Woman He Is In Love With?

by Erika
(new jersey)

I met my boyfriend in college. I've known him for almost 3 years and we dated for a year and a half. We hung out everyday. I was always with him at his house. We were like best friends. He was great at showing my affection but we started to fight in the middle of our relationship. He is my first real love.

One day we had a really bad fight and when I had gotten home he had told me he did not want to be codependent on me and he wanted to learn to be independent and not so needed. Since then he told me that he has attended AA meetings almost everyday and he never had time for me anymore.

He has been sober for a while now but ever since his sobriety he has pushed me away to the point where I feel like I'm nothing to him anymore. We are not together - he broke up with me. I was the one who always helped him. I was always there for him.

I got him to where he is today and I feel like he has used me for emotional support when he was on the drugs. He had told me that he was doing drugs the whole time he was with me. I'm completely broken and I don't know what to do because I'm in love with this boy.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Relationships end for all sorts of reasons, so the only person who can tell you why your boyfriend broke up with you, is your boyfriend. So why don't you ask him? He's going through a lot at the moment and undergoing all sorts of changes - so maybe he'd simply like to focus on AA and his sobriety without the distraction of a relationship.

Codependency is characteristic of many relationships where there is alcoholism or drug addiction involved, so perhaps he's realised he'd like to break that pattern and learn to do things differently when it comes to relationships. Whatever his reasons though, only he can tell you.

While it's natural to be upset and hurt having been broken up with, also try and respect and support his decision to get help and make changes with his life. It's not an easy thing. Being your first love also makes it particularly hard, but time does make things easier, and maybe its just a case of your relationship isn't meant to be.

None of this is likely what you want to hear, but unfortunately relationships do end and people get hurt. For addicts new in recovery its usually recommended they stay out of a relationship in their 1st year because they're still so emotionally vulnerable and a new or volatile relationship can put their recovery at risk.

So give your boyfriend the freedom and space to find his feet and if he's meant to come back to you he will. In the meantime, get your own life back on track by focusing on the things that make you happy, and trust that in doing so everything will work out for the best.

Take Care

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